Goodness Gracious Guilt...

So today I was thinking... I have made so many positive changes to my eating habits, my fitness, and my overall physical well-being.  There has been SO MUCH time and energy put into changing my physical self to be healthier.  It's been three years of hard work, backslides, more hard work, determination... and GUILT.  Whaaa???  I don't know if it's being female, being a Mom, being a wife, being a daughter, etc. etc... but somewhere along the way I have acquired this feeling of immense guilt.  Now I'm realizing, as I talk to more people around me, they feel the same way!  I'M NOT ALONE!  We need to have a self-inflicted-guilt anonymous group.  For absolutely no reason whatsoever, I have felt guilty when I DO go to the gym because I leave my kiddos with my husband.  I have felt guilty when I DON'T go to the gym because I'm not following through and staying focused on my initial goal.  I have felt guilty when I DO go to the gym but then DON'T work out as hard I "should" have.  I feel guilty when I splurge on food, I feel guilty when I don't eat enough because I might be guilty about eating too much.  I would feel guilty when I started losing a significant amount of weight because someone else around me was still struggling and I had seemingly hit my stride.  Seriously... the guilt spiral never ends.  I remember after having my babies, I felt guilty going back to work.  I felt guilty when I stopped breastfeeding because I hated having to pump in a utility closet at work.  I felt and still feel guilty if I don't adequately celebrate someone's birthday or get the perfect gift for someone.  I HONESTLY could go on and on and on about reasons I have and continue to feel guilty.  It's insane because nobody makes me feel that way. My husband has done nothing but support me going to the gym, doing races, going on runs, spending more on quality, clean food, and taking care of the girls while I do all this stuff.  I spend a good deal of time with my kids, so I don't feel like I'm shorting time with them, yet I feel guilty about not spending ENOUGH time with them.  I feel so bad when I can't take Anna to school more often, or help out in her classroom because I'm busy at my own.  I feel like I should be able to devote more time to helping her learn her letters, numbers, words, reading, etc.  By the time we all get home, we get dinner, clean up dinner, get lunch ready, get clothes laid out, brush teeth, get on pajamas, maybe play a game or... like tonight... try to make a from-scratch cake because Anna wanted to make cake pops.  I got the cake made, but no cake pops...we'll try again tomorrow night.  Well... thinking about this and all the reasons I'm feeling guilty like 97% of the time about SOMETHING I realized a couple things:  1.  I'm insane... why the hell am I feeling guilty so often?  2.  Nobody is making me feel this way except for myself.  3.  I have spent so much damn time on my physical self, maybe it's time for me to start with my noggin!  SERIOUSLY!!!!  What in the sam-hill am I doing to myself?  Good lordy it sounds SO CLICHE, but that stupid saying that real changes goes from the inside out?  It's true... I think I had some kind of weird guilt revelation.  I think that's my missing link.  I have to let go of the guilt.  I need to be able to say, "I'm a good Mom, dammit."  "I'm a good teacher."  "I'm a good wife."  "I'm a good daughter."  "I'm a good sister."  "I'm a good employee."  "I'm a good worker-outer."  (That is definitely not a word... but you get my drift.)  I have become good at balancing my food with festivities and real life.   I think we all need to do that for ourselves.  We are SO HARD on ourselves.  Ya' know?  I look around at people I truly and completely admire and think to myself that if I could just get my shit together like that, I'd be better off.  But then I get to know those people and realize they have so many of their own pit-falls and sometimes we need to take a second to pat EACH OTHER on the back to remind ourselves that we really are pretty bad-ass.  

My sister, she had a full-time job, a new husband, an apartment to keep up, works out like a super-star, has an INCREDIBLE social life, works her ass off in everything she does and still manages to throw super-cute get-togethers and make time for the folks she keeps close.  My Mom... I don't know where to start there... she is the smartest, most intelligent woman I know that took a new full-time job after retiring from her last full-time federal job and is on more boards and panels and committees than I have pieces of food particles on my living room floor (for those of you that have kids... you know that's a LOT).  She was a hard-core working Mom that made it to pretty much every piano recital, every stupid choir concert, and every parent-teacher conference.  (HOW THE HELL DID SHE DO THAT?)  My sister-in-law married my brother and gave up a full-time career to devote more time and energy to her kids and family and friends.  She works out all the time (even takes her kids to kids yoga and stuff) is creative and intelligent beyond measure, and is involved in so many groups and clubs and is able to help in her kiddos classrooms pretty much whenever possible.  Just my immediate family and close friends has the most amazing spectrum of women that do all these amazing things... and yet... we have had numerous conversations about how we feel we're lacking in some ways and inevitably feel bad about it.  So in thinking about this I'm going to try to take my transformation home... I'm taking it home to the brains and heart to hope that in doing so, I can feel like I'm making a more complete transformation.  (However, I feel that word... transformation... is kinda' stupid.  It's not like I'm a different person or anything... but that's just the word people use... so I'll use it 'cuz I'm a sheep, what can I say? )  The physical stuff will be a bit easier because instead of punishing or celebrating non-existent deficits and downfalls, I can stay more stable and confident and not get freaked out about the little shit.  I am a human person with human faults and a super-human level of potential for whatever I believe I'm capable of.  I am not special in that. We can all have that if we take some time to pat each other on the back and give each other more praise than we do right now.  Sometimes there are people that just make you feel good, and I believe that we can all be that person.  I know I can be better about it.  Who doesn't love a compliment?  I mean, we all say... "Oh geez..." when someone says something nice like we don't deserve it.  But it puts a little more spring in your step and makes you grin just a little bit inside.  The truth is, we MEAN it when we say these things... we're not just saying it to appease someone.  I know that I am not a sugar-coating kind of person, so if I say you look nice, or your hair looks cute, or your make-up is particularly lovely that day, or that you just are genuinely kind of kick ass... take it in and SWIM AROUND IN IT because it's real.  I mean it.  I'm going to continue to try to make positive changes by working out and eating good, healthy food... but I'm also going to try to stop feeling guilty and acknowledge other people's efforts in being a Mom, being a wife, being a sister, being a friend, being a daughter, etc. etc.  Those are tough jobs sometimes and the more support and encouragement I can give might help make their load a little lighter to carry that day.  Who's with me?  

Meanwhile, I fed my belly with:

Breakfast:  Before leaving a bit early to take Mama to the airport, I made a weird concoction of coconut, berries, almond butter, coconut milk and some almonds.  Kinda' weird, but also kinda' good.

Lunch:  Salad with some leftover steak and balsamic dressing... and grapefruit (of course).

Dinner:  Hamburger patty with guacamole and some bacon.  Then sadly I followed it up with some of the cake pop cake... some?  Well... lots.  Oops.  BUT I'M NOT GONNA' FEEL GUILTY, DAMMIT.

Monday is DUUUUUUHN.  On to Tuesday and let's hope that neither girl wakes up in the middle of the night and I get some freaking sleep.  

Super Yums while Mama's in town...

This has been an awesome weekend.  My Mama came to town and ever since it's been a feast of delicious food, treats, "Amma" fun (the girls call Grandma, "Am-Maw"), and exciting outings.  I picked her up on Thursday night and didn't have to work Friday.  We woke up to an awesome breakfast of sweet potato

"fritters" (recipe to follow this week because it was SO GOOD we're having it for dinner on Halloween), poached eggs, and bacon.  We lazed around a bit and then we did some brief Nordstrom Rack shopping (where I scored some great jeans and a couple tops).  After that, we picked up Anna and went to buy some crafting supplies.  Anna and "Amma" must have made 149 necklaces together with beads and elastic.  Anna was LOVING it.  That night, we had some stuffed squash and salad.  The stuffed squash was very "eh," but the salad was AWESOME.  I don't know exactly what it was, but it was super good... greens, carrots, cucumber, pomegranate seeds, pecans, and some balsamic vinaigrette.  Saturday was the MOTHER LOAD day because I actually got in another long-ish run (which was good because later on I ate a shitload of bread and cheese), then we did a massive errand day (back to Michaels for more bead supplies) and then went to... wait for it... DISNEY ON ICE!!!  Holy Moses... I wasn't sure when this phase of my life as a parent was going to begin.  But I knew that as a Mother of two girls it was only a matter of time.  Well, it all started today.  The girls were COMPLETELY excited and LOVED every second.  Lucy was the funniest of both.  She was completely captivated and entranced by the ENTIRE show.  She stared and didn't take her eyes off it the entire time.  When the princesses skating on ice started waving at the crowd, Lucy started waving back at them.  Then... when Rapunzel emerged her face lit up like the sky on the fourth of July.  She was ELATED and the joy on her face made me actually get a little teary-eyed.  It was almost too much.

THEN... the good part for me started.  I mean, it was good to watch the girls enjoy the show, but we went to this AWESOME little restaurant here in Portland called Ned Ludd.  It was AMAZE-BALLS.  It was super small (only 11 or so tables with a couple bar seats) and the atmosphere was so cozy and rustic, I guess.  It was very seasonal with a rotating menu based on availability.  I had never been there before, but with my Mom in town I asked a friend for recs and she told me about this place.  Well it did NOT disappoint.  We started with a charcuterie plate of meats and cheeses and seeded bread.  Oh my god, and there was this mustard that was grainy and sweet and so good.  All of it made me smile inside. I love meats and cheeses... and bread, of course.  Sooooo... paleo?  Not so much.  But delicious?  Yes.  Worth it?  Absolutely.  For dinner I  had wood-fired trout with a carrot and radish salad with charred spring onions.  OH. MY. LORD.  I know, I know... trout?  Yes. Trout.  I loved every scrumptious bite and it was SO AMAZING!!!!  I highly recommend this place and thanks for the recommendation, Taiger!

So that brings me to today.  I actually woke up and went to work out again!  (YAY ME!)  Speaking of, if you haven't already discovered it, there's this free app called "Nike Training Club" that is really pretty awesome.  It gives you SO MANY OPTIONS for workouts and you can even do targeted workouts for certain body areas, or you can do cardio workouts (that I did today).  It's nice because it's like a trainer in your ear buds that keeps you moving and makes the time pass a hell of a lot faster than if you were sitting on a treadmill or an elliptical machine for the same amount of time.  Let me tell ya'... I was sweating buckets and my bum is a wee bit tender today.  When I got home, I got my clothes changed to do our weekly shopping.  I did the meal planning last night and Amma went shopping with Anna and I!  It was pretty exciting for her, I do believe.

We started at Target (heavens do I love that place).  Amma completely outfitted Anna for the winter season (she's beyond generous) and I filled in the gaps to fulfill this month's installment of my cookie-of-the-month-club for my new brother-in-law.  (Sidenote: I would have probably lost approximately 23 more pounds over the course of the last 11 months had I NOT given him this as a gift.  I have realized that when I make cookies, there is NO WAY I can't eat at least two heaping spoonfuls of dough and at least two cookies. I have made him a different variety of cookie every month since last Christmas. Oh well.)  Then after Target we hit Costco.  That's leads me to what I believe could be the most useful section of tonight's blog installment.  Costco Courtesies.  I believe it's my responsibility to make a brief list of common courtesies to use when one goes to Costco.  We ran in to some pretty stupid-ass people at Costco today whom did NOT have a knowledge of these, what I thought were, very widely accepted protocols at the mega-box super-store.

Parking

1. When you're playing chicken with 34 other house-wives and elderly people for ONE spot that isn't even really close... keep looking, it's not worth it. There are some people that feel exceptionally entitled in that parking lot and you don't want to mess with them... seriously... they're like a whole different breed. Chances are good something else will open up in a minute.
2. If you're waiting for a spot, make sure you put on your blinker and don't get angry or perturbed when someone else is inching... simply do a respectful smile and point to the spot you're waiting for.  On the flip side, if someone else is waiting and they extend the courtesy of the smile and point... give them a quick smile back and a little wave or a steering wheel acknowledgment (you know when you're holding the steering wheel and hold up a couple fingers... not one finger... be careful about that... it could send a very different message than you intended).
3. Once parked, proceed with caution because same said entitled crazy people are still going to be vying for spots and dodging other entitled folks.  
4. Inside Costco... PLEASE DEAR LORD KEEP MOVING PAST THE SAMPLES ONCE YOU'VE TAKEN YOUR ONE ALLOTTED SELECTION.  People are INSANE about the samples.  If you don't want samples... stay away from the meat and cheese section because that's where the good stuff is and people will get really pissy if you get in their way to try some potato dumplings, pot roast, or au gratin potatoes.  
5. Once leaving Costco... be on the lookout for someone who looks like they DESERVE your highly sought-after spot and then give them a point to where you're headed... then they can get your spot.  They will inevitably give you an appreciative smile and nod or wave.  Then they SHOULD throw on the blinker and wait politely while others go FLYING beside and around them pissed off that they weren't worthy of my desired spot.  
6. When you're driving away... feel good about knowing you've made this shopping experience as friendly as possible for yourself and everyone else around you.  Costco is a jungle... a little heads up on how to survive can't hurt.  Above all else, DON'T BE GRUMPY AND PISSY.  It won't do anybody any good.  Your blood pressure will thank you.

After the Costco experience, we moved on to lunch... I'm not going to say much because it won't do it justice.  I will include a picture and just tell you that it included:  brussel sprouts, mushrooms, , butternut squash puree, potatoes (that Anna ate), a BEAUTIFUL slab of pork belly, and a duck egg.  Seriously... it was special.  Real special.  It made my day.  It was paleo at it's finest.  Delicious fresh ingredients with some magical, fatty pig meat.  Sweet lord... so good.

Then I came home, ate cookie dough, then assisted my hubby making a steak dinner for Amma's farewell dinner.  

It was an eventful and beautiful weekend with lots of fun and family.  I miss my family.  With my family comes good food and this weekend we had lots of it.  I stayed pretty solid with the whole paleo-front minus the bread and cheese on Saturday night and the cookie dough today.  I realize it's not perfect, but compared to how I would normally eat, I feel pretty good about it.  Plus, I worked out pretty hard both days, so I'm satisfied.  My body doesn't hate me and I feel pretty good even after my splurges.  This hasn't been terribly hard to maintain.  We'll see how things go as we head into hard-core holiday season... but so far so good!  

I DEVOURED:

Breakfast:  A couple raisins and walnuts (before working out) and banana with almond butter (after I worked out).

Lunch:  Afore-mentioned magic pork belly creation from a cute little place called Toast

Snacks:  TOO MUCH cookie dough.

Dinner:  Steak (from our quarter cow in the freezer), roasted cauliflower, green beans, and salad.

Moving on...

I'll keep this short and sweet.  Today, my task for myself and everybody else... be good to yourself.  There are days where everything goes to h-e-double hockey sticks, and you gotta' give yourself a break.  I know that you can't excuse all bad decisions (food, working out, choice words, etc.), but some days you're not gonna' be perfect, because life isn't perfect.  So today, be good to yourself, give yourself a break, and know that along the way you've made a LOT of good choices that have led you to all the wonderful things in your life.  So today... another compare/contrast.  Just because I don't weight 300 pounds anymore doesn't mean I'm where I SHOULD be... but dammit I've come a long way.  'Tis the season, so I thought this would be a good one to see the changes and appreciate how far I've come and give myself a break.  Just for today.  Tomorrow I'll get back on the wagon and take charge, but for now, I appreciate my effort and I'll work that much harder to know that I need to move on and move forward.  I'm a different person than I was... in some ways.  In others, I'm still very much the same little lady that managed to balloon up to the size of a lineman for the Kansas City Chiefs.  Zoinks... so here's to a new day and not feeling too crummy about some of those choices that probably weren't made in the most balanced and grounded place in my mind.

The day started with excellent choices for my belly... then...
Breakfast: Smoothie with spinach, berries, cherries, hemp powder (super hippy, dippy, right?), and coconut milk.
Lunch:  Salad with chia seeds, sunflower seeds and shrimp with homemade red wine vinaigrette (I never know how to spell that word) and... wait for it... grapefruit.  Yum.
Dinner:  Lots of random food that individually isn't so bad, but when you chunk it all together... a weird gorge-fest of: chocolate chips, peanut butter, an apple (to be healthy of course), honey, a little bit of pork carnitas (mexican pork), and then a few more chocolate chips and walnuts.  Sheesh.  Like I said... give me a break, please?

Trying to get my wheels back...

Where to begin... it's been a brief hiatus.  I've realized that I always have a crap-load of stuff to say... so when I don't actually keep up every day, I lose track of all the things I have to say and I get irritated because then I forget.  I should probably start an "idea list" or something so I don't forget all the undoubtedly brilliant things I can share.

Over the weekend we did a family "hike" up to this place called "Little Zig Zag Falls."  I use the term "hike" very loosely because it's more of a jaunt, or a meander.  It's a REALLY easy walk up a river to some falls.  The river "zig zags" it's way up and it's perfectly long enough. There is lots to look at and keeps their attention, but when it's time to leave, it's quick enough to get out of without too much effort.  The falls really are beautiful and the river is calm enough that the girls could wade in their galoshes and throw rocks and stuff.  We did the same thing last year and the same hike... only we did it a little earlier in the summer so it was a lot warmer.  Saturday was COOOOLD (note my hubby's rad sweatshirt that I was wearing), but it was pretty wonderful.  The girls had a great time and it was nice to get out and enjoy some beautiful fall weather in the Northwest. The SUPER bonus was that when we got there, this lovely older couple was taking their horses out of a trailer for a ride.  The girls both got to get on the horses and sit there.  My lord, we could have stopped there and the trip would have been a complete success.  So... good day.

Then Sunday was sort of our catch up day.  We did the weekly grocery shopping (holy Costco adventure) where I spent as much as a plane ticket to a small island.  Then we spent a little time with a girlfriend helping her with some invitations.  I've been known to throw together a mean "theme" party from time to time.  Sheesh... that's a whole 'nother post, but I do love a good party.  I am so my Mother's daughter.  We completed our weekend with some sausage and onions and sweet potato fries.  OH!  And I did my first "long" run for a while.  I woke up and had a lovely, early morning, foggy, fall run.  I did a fun four miles, which... for those of you that run are probably laughing at.  But being out of the game for a while, it was good to know that my work is paying off and I'm getting my wheels back.  It was really nice.  Actually, this last weekend was the one year anniversary of the first time I ran with my friend's hubby for the Halloween-themed 5K.  It's called "Run Like Hell" and we dressed up as Batman and the Commissioner.  Can you believe he ran the whole time in that complete get-up?  Pretty damn impressive.

Today was a relatively "decent" day considering it was yet another Monday.  My special little fella in my class had a WONDERFUL day, I had a great workout, and got my girls picked up, listened to them laugh playing in the backyard, and had a good pork chop dinner.  It was a good day.  Just for fun, I'll tell you what my workout was today.  Sometimes I get bored at the gym and today I kept it pretty interesting by doing a sort of circuit (kinda').  Yesterday was a pretty solid run, so I tried to do something that was more strength training-based and to continue to work on improving my endurance.
First: 5 rounds of: 5 pull-ups, 10 push-ups, and 15 squats.
Next: 4 rounds of: Run a quarter mile, then row 500 meters (about 20 minutes total)
Last: 3 rounds of: 10 burpees, 20 situps, 20 toe touches, 10 burpees, and 20 single-arm snatches, 10 on each arm (doesn't that sound like a dirty word? But it's super good for your shoulders.)

I actually kind of hate to admit it, but I've noticed a huge increase in muscle rebound and endurance since starting this whole paleo thing.  I want to just say, I haven't been as diligent as some, but I've been pretty damn good.  Since I've started I've lost 14 pounds, felt MUCH better about my eating choices, and stayed pretty true to eating primarily paleo for the vast majority of the time... INCLUDING only 5 beers total since beginning (and that was at a couple post-work happy hours which are pretty much required for teachers).  That being said...

What went in my belly:
Breakfast: SERIOUSLY good breakfast omelet with avocado and tomato and a side of mixed berries with walnuts and unsweetened coconut.
Lunch: Leftover chicken sausage (so good) and sauteed onions on top of greens with carrots and peppers (I used a mix of dijon and stone ground mustard as my "dressing" today... it was REALLY good) and a grapefruit.
Dinner: Skillet fried pork chops with oven roasted brussel sprouts and butternut squash (CHOMP!!!).
Dessert: Super dark chocolate with sea salt (DOUBLE CHOMP!)

Daily tip:  When I take my girls up to bed, I wash my face, take out my contacts, and brush my teeth.  Then I don't want to eat anything else after they go to bed. So either I'm SERIOUSLY lazy, or I am a genius.  I choose to believe it's the latter.  I just discovered this.  So simple and it's really saved my bacon the last few nights.  I've wanted ice cream.  Lots of it.  Gooey ice cream with stuff to dig for... that's my jam.  But ah well... I've already brushed my teeth and it won't taste right and I don't wanna' brush my teeth again.

ADIOS FRIENDS.  On to Tuesday...

GUHHHHH-ZOINKS.

I have officially had one of the WEIRDEST weeks of my life.  Seriously.  So it's been busy, not a big deal... but some of the things that have managed to happen this week really caught me a little off guard.  So... there was the whole "holding a kid down" on Tuesday, followed by 5th grade volleyball.  Then yesterday (missed a post for this one) I had a "fairly" regular day and then decided to go on a jog up by my school because it was BEAUTY outside and I thought it would be nice.  I realized I forgot my ear-buds so I ended up wearing some GIANT headphones that are the over-the-ear kind that my students wear in the computer labs courtesy of my school district.  I'm sure I looked SUPER rad running around in those suckers.  THEN... I followed that up with delivering fast food items to people from our school (and some that aren't).  Not my typical Wednesday evening activity.  Which, I might add... I resisted the urge to DEVOUR a bacon cheeseburger that I saw and it literally almost jumped into my mouth.  Really... that thing had legs.  ANYHOOOO... so Wednesday came and went and here we are: Thursday.  Sweet lord... It started out fairly regular in that I woke up a little too late, took my shower, got dressed, ate my BOMB breakfast courtesy of my hubby, and was a LITTLE late taking the youngest to her daycare lady.  Taking her to daycare is always a little funny in the morning because "daycare" is essentially going to this lady's house (she actually is pretty wonderful and she's taken care of both my girls now for about 5 years) where they bake, play, clean, help fold laundry, read, color, play outside (weather permitting), and just hang out.  She's kind of like a crazy aunt.  Well, this morning the little one and I roll up outside her house and granted, we get there at about 6:55 A.M.  I realize that's early... but nonetheless... it's been that way for five years now, like I said.  So I knock and knock for nearly 5 minutes, finally I look in and see our "child care specialist" asleep in her la-z-boy.  So I knock and the window and realize she's rousing so I go back to wait at the door where I hear a fairly substantial THUD.  It was her... face-planting in her living room.  WHAAAA????  Evidently her legs had fallen asleep while she was just "dozing off" and she literally fell face first in to her living room.  She played it pretty cool while I was there, but when the hubby went to pick the wee one up, she had screwed up her knee pretty good and got some road rash on her nose.  Good grief.  THEN... moving on, I was TRYING to drive to work and a drive that should have taken no more than 30 minutes took me nearly an hour.  All I can say is thank goodness for Pandora and good, happy music.  Otherwise I would be a REALLY terrible person most of the time.  Have you ever noticed that music can COMPLETELY change your attitude?  This morning I got VERY in to some Heart, Chicago, and just to keep things interesting... Rump Shaker.  That's right...

Okay... so I've finally made it to school and with barely enough time I fixed myself a mug of tea and got my room fairly straightened up (and since I was at school a little while longer yesterday before the fast-food-a-thon, things were pretty well ready to go).  The bell rang and in filtered my kiddos.  I have an EXTREMELY wonderful class, for the most part.  My kids are sweet and eager to please and I do believe there's a lot of room for growth.  HOWEVER... you remember that kiddo that I had to hold down on Tuesday?  Well, he got a wild hair again today and decided to hoof it off campus.  In other words, he was running the streets both in and out of the fences of our school.  SOMETHING happened while this poor little person was in art today that sent into a tizzy and the little creature thought that the best move was to take off and run away.  At one point, there were NINE adults trying to wrangle this kid and the little guy did NOT go down without a fight.  His Mom was notified (obviously) and she (after some time) was able to get him and make him stop.  But I'll just tell ya'... after something like that, I feel COMPLETELY spent.  I can't quite begin to explain what it's like.  It's like this weird no-man's land of feelings because I ADORE this kid.  I really do.  All I can think about is how bad I feel for him that he must be in that much pain and disarray that he believes his only option is to run away and try to hide.  What must it be like to live in that poor little head of his... and he's NINE!  I just hurt for him... HOWEVER... I also start to hurt for my other kiddos because then after something like that I just am so overwhelmed that I don't fully commit to the rest of my day and they then have to sacrifice because of my inability to overcome the feelings I am having about what had happened earlier in the morning.  I mean, it's not like I'm stooped over sighing heavily and heavy breathing... but I am just a notch or two below where I normally am.

So tonight, when I got home... I thought it was a good excuse to do my very first attempt at "paleo baking."  Let me tell you... the pictures look great... but these things are not awesome.  Having done it this time (and spending like a gillion dollars on coconut flour and ingredients like that), I probably won't do it much more.  I would MUCH rather have a grapefruit or an apple and almond butter as a treat.  Sweet Jesus, did I really say that?  I declared tonight, to the hubby, that when I'm in the mood to splurge, I'll really splurge and not try to substitute something else instead.  Cuz I'll be honest... not so hot... and CERTAINLY not worth the time and energy.  I found what looked like two solid recipes online... and they looked good, but just didn't pan out. I did a pumpkin spice guy with dark chocolate coating and walnuts and a chocolate with chocolate coating and coconut flakes.  I do realize, however... that chocolate is generally not totally approved, but also extra dark chocolate is acceptable in small quantities... I say this is a small quantity.  Especially when these donuts are disgustingly healthy (disgusting being kind of the operative word).  I will test them out on some folks and let you know how it turns out. I thought I'd try it because every Friday our "pod" at school (the six classrooms that are in one wing of the school) takes turns buying coffees or morning beverages of choice (excluding mimosas).  I thought it would be fun to make some "paleo donuts" to take and share.  One girl is gluten-free and there's another paleo follower (which is kind of crazy, right?  Three out of the six classrooms are following a fairly similar diet plan.  Kinda' awesome.)  Well, I made 'em... I'll take 'em... but I probably am not going to impress much of anyone.

So today... my lessons learned were that paleo baking isn't so great, running after a nine-year-old in and out of your school grounds is taxing, and don't surprise your daycare lady because she might fall on her face.  OUCH.

Food for my belly today:
Breakfast:  Another outstanding omelet and fruit bowl.
Lunch: Leftover shredded chicken on a salad with avocado and tomato... and of course a grapefruit.
Dinner:  This awesome marinara with TONS of veggies sliced up and ground turkey all mixed up.  It was kind of like an italian chili with a crapload of vegetables like spinach, asparagus, zucchini, tomatoes, broccolette, and herbs.  It was actually SUPER delicious.  My hubby did it all by himself!
Dessert:  Donut batter, some dark chocolate chips, and some walnuts... I kinda' succumb to the powers that be this evening... but ah well.

Crock Pot Magic!!!!

First of all, I'm going to start this post with a big ol' shout out to the hubby.  This man is really something.  Every day he wakes up before me (I'm not really a morning person), takes his shower, gets dressed and starts working on the morning duty of packing lunches for both girls and starting breakfasts for all three girls... including me.  Today, he really stepped up his game and made me a breakfast that I SO should have taken a picture of because it was INSANE.  It's a highlight of my morning to get served something so amazingly satisfying and nutritious without me having to lift a finger.  Today it was an omelette filled with some leftover diced up pork, spinach, and peppers.  On the side was some sliced avocado and tomato.  Then, in a small bowl was cut up strawberries with walnuts and some shredded unsweetened coconut sprinkled on top.  THEN... he had my cup of tea steeping (with a plate on top, as to keep it hot) at my spot at the table waiting for me when I came down.  Honestly, how did I win that lottery???  It was a gorgeous spread on a normal Tuesday morning.  In hindsight, it's a good thing he did it because I had to physically restrain one of my students for a good 30 minutes today while he kicked and thrashed to keep him from running out of the school into the neighborhood like he did last time.  I bet it was the extra blast of coconut at the end that kept the firm hold.  HAHAHA!  (It's not funny, I realize that... but seriously I have to keep a sense of humor or else I'll lose my mind.)  The joys of being a school-teacher.  So moving on...

So here you have it... crock pot magic.  I am having kind of a crazy/busy week so I knew easy dinners were going to be a must.  When I did my meal planning I planned on some form of taco salads/taco boats for tonight (Tuesday) and tomorrow (Wednesday).  Tonight was volleyball (WHOO HOO!) and tomorrow I offered to work for an hour at a local "fast food" place called Burgerville as a fundraiser for our school.  Now, truth be told... if I was like McTeacher Night or something like that, I probably wouldn't have gotten on board.  But of all the "fast food" places I know of, Burgerville is a little different.  They buy locally sourced food if possible and they have definitely made an effort to be a different kind of fast food.  Here is a quote from their website:  "Burgers here are made from pastured vegetarian-fed and antibiotic-free beef. The eggs on our breakfast biscuits are from cage-free hens that have never been treated with antibiotics. Salads offer mixed greens topped with smoked salmon and Oregon hazelnuts. Even desserts and sides rely on seasonal, local ingredients - blackberry milkshakes are only available in season, as are the hand-prepared buttermilk-battered onion rings made from Walla Walla sweet onions grown in Washington and Oregon."   I have to believe it.  Their food is better and I would feel pretty okay about my kids eating here as a treat.  (They also have pretty impressive employee benefits and put a heavy emphasis on being environmentally sound.  Anyway, enough about that... I'm busy.  I didn't get home till a bit later tonight and tomorrow I'll be even later.  Thursday will be late and then it'll blissfully be Friday.  So the plan was pork chops last night (check), today I planned on the crock pot salsa chicken.  I wanted there to be enough for lunches and dinners for two days.  This is honestly the BEST "recipe" in the world because you don't have to prepare ANYTHING ahead of time, and more often than not, you have EVERYTHING you need to throw in there without any planning.  Here's how it goes:

1. Take out as many chicken breasts from the freezer that you want.  I buy ours in bulk at Costco.  It's bonkers how much chicken we eat.  Anyway, today I took out five pretty good size chicken boobs and put them in... wait for it... FROZEN into the crock pot.  Seriously... frozen.  It's magical.  You don't even have to remember to take anything out of the freezer!
2. Then you cover the boobs with salsa.  Today I did a mix of verde and regular (whatever you have on hand!!!).  I probably did about 32 ounces?  I used Herdez salsa verde and mild Herdez regular salsa.  I went with neither spicy so the girls would eat it too.  You can always add spice in the form of fresh sliced jalapenos or hot sauce after the fact.
3. Then sprinkle (generously) with Cumin and coriander and I had some Goya "Adobo" seasoning with cumin added.  I put that on it too. 
4. Swoosh around the chicken so it mixes it all up a little bit and set it on low. 

It took about 4 minutes from start to finish including taking the crock pot out of the corner cupboard.  I came downstairs at 6:25 A.M., ate my beautiful breakfast, drank my tea, and as the hubby was plopping the chicken and salsa into the crock pot, I came in and seasoned with the cumin, coriander, garlic, and adobo... swooshed around, covered and VOILA... out the door by 6:55 A.M..  THAT'S ALL!!!!  Tonight at about 5:00 I came home and the hubby was sautee-ing some peppers and onions so I took off the lid of the crock pot, shredded up the chicken (which happens VERY easily), and then I left the lid off for a bit because it still had quite a bit of liquid, but it was FINE.  So our dinner was mini romaine boats with sauteed onions and peppers, shredded "dobi" (that's what my youngest daughter called it after hearing "adobo") chicken, diced tomatoes, avocado, and cilantro.  They're pretty much like lettuce tacos and this mini romaine they're carrying at Costco right now has really stole my heart.  Taco night is one of my favorite regular meals.  I LOVE Mexican flavors and this one REALLY fits the bill.  I would probably devour quite a few tortilla chips if they were THERE... but if they're not, I really don't miss them.  I also love shrimp tacos in the romaine boats.  Well, I love all kinds of tacos... seriously... very equal opportunity here.  I even LOVE taco salad... I'm having visions of avocado dressing for tomorrow night, but chances are good I might have to let that go because I won't have time.  This particular round of shredded chicken tastes so much like Chipotle or something like that (their burrito bowls are FANTASMIC).  So try the crock pot magic.  And if you don't have a crock pot, WHY NOT???  They're absolutely incredible.  I have always loved the idea of a crock pot and have discovered some really exceptional recipes that work really well in here.  My aunt makes this macaroni and cheese in the crock pot that is PAINFULLY good.  Some day that I'm planning to really go "off the plan," I PLAN on eating that stuff.  I've made it a couple times for some school crock pot pot-lucks and everyone FREAKS for it.  There is absolutely NOTHING redeeming about it and it is sleazy and disgusting... and magical.  It is honestly something that my mac-n-cheese dreams are made of.  I don't care what people say, it doesn't matter how long you do this paleo gig, some things are just plain good and you just ignore the hell out of all the shitty processed stuff because sometimes, SOMETIMES you just want somethin' sleazy and ooey-gooey.  Until you get the urge to completely buck the common sense, try the shredded chicken, it's delicious and freaky-clean.  (Just make sure your salsa doesn't have added sugar... it's SHOCKING how many add sugar in some variety.)  

My belly was filled with:

Breakfast:  The incredible feast described above courtesy of my beau.

Lunch:  Leftover pork chop, brussel sprouts, and roasted carrots (I'll have to tell you more about these later... they're SO GOOD) and a grapefruit.

Dinner:  Shredded chicken crock pot magic taco boats.

One reason I'm loving this whole blogging thing... it keeps my hands and my mouth out the kitchen for after-dinner snacky-sweets.  Even fruit late in the evening is just kind of a sugar substitute.  I've also realized that... I would substitute one bad habit for another one.  Instead of having a little ice cream or cookie, I would have an apple with almond butter.  Is it the worst thing in the world for me?  No... Did I need it?  No... So I'm trying to stop with the after-dinner "splurging."  Not needed and if I can keep myself busy doing something else, I'm not hungry and I can go to bed excited about whatever breakfast wonder I have to look forward to on the following morning.  I can enjoy it that much more knowing I didn't have that "extra" thing the night before.  YAHOO for self-reflection.  hehe... Happy Tuesday... Hopefully Wednesday I won't have to hold anyone down unless I want to.

Ding dong...

Not like the Little Debbie thing... but like wedding bells.  No, the hubby and I aren't renewing our vows or anything, but my little sis got married last summer and I just got word that my eldest bro set the date for his upcoming nuptials... so it got me thinking about my wedding, weddings in general, and most of all the most recent wedding of my little sister.  So for those of you that already know me (who, let's face it, is pretty much everyone who's reading this), my sister is IT for me. I am blessed to have so many awesome friends, a great husband, etc. etc., but my sister is pretty much the peas to my carrots and the oatmeal to my raisin.  I kinda' thought it was the way it was for everybody, but evidently talking on the phone every single morning and maybe again later in the day to your sister isn't completely "normal."  When I'm driving to work, she calls me between 7:03 A.M. and 7:09 A.M. every morning.  She is in New York being amazing with her new husband and has the most ADORABLE apartment and crazy job where she sells like a gillion dollars worth of jewelry in New York City.  It's so weird to hear about her life.  I mean, we're about equi-distant from where we started in Kansas... but for some reason her amazing life that she's created seems unreal to me.  She's my little sister, for goodness sake!  How could she have possibly done all these amazing things without me!?  Apparently she's grown up and gotten married... and lives in New York.  She's crazy amazing.  

If it weren't for my sister, I don't think the changes in my life would have been possible.  She has been there every single step of the way and has made some pretty incredible changes in her life, too.  That girl is seriously freaking drop-dead gorgeous and kicks some ass in the healthy lifestyle category.  I mean, she didn't fall far from the tree in that she had some "battles" to fight, but she fought them and seriously took no prisoners.  I look at her and I'm constantly in awe.  She encouraged me and believed in me before I knew I could even do it.  When that switch flipped, she pulled me forward and kept me going.  We shared in triumphs and tribulations together all along the way and right now we're settling in to our lives and trying to figure out how to maintain it and feel great day in and day out.  Now she continues to push me and encourage me in that really freaking frustrating "maintenance" game.  Again, we're birds of a feather and we enjoy partaking in some of life's pleasures together (ice cream, beer, and pizza... oh... and burgers and fries), but we also have been seen doing a turkey trot over a family Thanksgiving in Malibu, jogs around Kansas, killer cardio/bootcamp classes in NYC, and even a couple trips to a resort gym in Vegas on a trip before she got married.  So yeah... shit's changed... a lot.  She has truly been a HUGE reason for me maintaining the changes I've made, and I'd like to think that I've been able to support her through this as well.  The funny thing about me starting to lose the weight, is that I knew she and her beau were going to be getting married sooner or later and the thing that totally got me started was that I wanted her to be able to have a bridesmaid dress that she loved... not one that she had to get because it came in my size.  I was completely terrified of being the big ol' big sis and so that got me started on step one.  I even remember telling Leah when I first got down to a size 14 (from 26), that she would indeed be able to pick any dress she wanted.  She has GORGEOUS friends, and I didn't want to stick out like a sore thumb... so I did it.  I kept going a little ways and ultimately, my sister got to pick whatever she wanted for us to wear and I felt good.  It was an incredible day and I definitely had a great time (ah hem... a REALLY great time... maybe? too great?... nah.)  But most of all it made me so proud that I was able to stand up with my sister, feeling good about myself, supporting her and her husband in the way that I knew I wanted.  She deserves it all and I know it probably wouldn't have mattered to her if I was a size 6 or 26, but given the road we've traveled together in the past couple years, it made it that much more special for me to be in that moment with her and I believe it's made us even more connected than we were before (if that's possible).  It made me feel great that I was able to help her feel good on her big day in a way that I don't think I would have been able to do prior to me becoming aware of how I was totally mutilating my body from the inside out.  We share recipes, talk about workouts, and convince each other to go to the gym (simply by knowing the other is going is reason enough).  We've been lucky enough to never feel threatened or competitive with one another and I believe that's helped us get so close and STAY close.  We thrive in each other's successes and I've only felt excitement about her accomplishments.  So when I sat and looked at how FREAKING UNBELIEVABLY BEAUTIFUL she looked in her wedding pics she just got back, it made me SO HAPPY to see her so happy.  And even though I'm the big sister... I know she was proud of me too, and that made me feel on top of the world on her special day.

Today's belly-fillers were:

Breakfast: sweet potato hash leftovers with two poached eggs

Lunch:  Spinach salad with shrimp, grapefruit

Snack:  Apple

Dinner:  Pork Chop with roasted spiced carrots and brussel sprouts