Goodness Gracious Guilt...

So today I was thinking... I have made so many positive changes to my eating habits, my fitness, and my overall physical well-being.  There has been SO MUCH time and energy put into changing my physical self to be healthier.  It's been three years of hard work, backslides, more hard work, determination... and GUILT.  Whaaa???  I don't know if it's being female, being a Mom, being a wife, being a daughter, etc. etc... but somewhere along the way I have acquired this feeling of immense guilt.  Now I'm realizing, as I talk to more people around me, they feel the same way!  I'M NOT ALONE!  We need to have a self-inflicted-guilt anonymous group.  For absolutely no reason whatsoever, I have felt guilty when I DO go to the gym because I leave my kiddos with my husband.  I have felt guilty when I DON'T go to the gym because I'm not following through and staying focused on my initial goal.  I have felt guilty when I DO go to the gym but then DON'T work out as hard I "should" have.  I feel guilty when I splurge on food, I feel guilty when I don't eat enough because I might be guilty about eating too much.  I would feel guilty when I started losing a significant amount of weight because someone else around me was still struggling and I had seemingly hit my stride.  Seriously... the guilt spiral never ends.  I remember after having my babies, I felt guilty going back to work.  I felt guilty when I stopped breastfeeding because I hated having to pump in a utility closet at work.  I felt and still feel guilty if I don't adequately celebrate someone's birthday or get the perfect gift for someone.  I HONESTLY could go on and on and on about reasons I have and continue to feel guilty.  It's insane because nobody makes me feel that way. My husband has done nothing but support me going to the gym, doing races, going on runs, spending more on quality, clean food, and taking care of the girls while I do all this stuff.  I spend a good deal of time with my kids, so I don't feel like I'm shorting time with them, yet I feel guilty about not spending ENOUGH time with them.  I feel so bad when I can't take Anna to school more often, or help out in her classroom because I'm busy at my own.  I feel like I should be able to devote more time to helping her learn her letters, numbers, words, reading, etc.  By the time we all get home, we get dinner, clean up dinner, get lunch ready, get clothes laid out, brush teeth, get on pajamas, maybe play a game or... like tonight... try to make a from-scratch cake because Anna wanted to make cake pops.  I got the cake made, but no cake pops...we'll try again tomorrow night.  Well... thinking about this and all the reasons I'm feeling guilty like 97% of the time about SOMETHING I realized a couple things:  1.  I'm insane... why the hell am I feeling guilty so often?  2.  Nobody is making me feel this way except for myself.  3.  I have spent so much damn time on my physical self, maybe it's time for me to start with my noggin!  SERIOUSLY!!!!  What in the sam-hill am I doing to myself?  Good lordy it sounds SO CLICHE, but that stupid saying that real changes goes from the inside out?  It's true... I think I had some kind of weird guilt revelation.  I think that's my missing link.  I have to let go of the guilt.  I need to be able to say, "I'm a good Mom, dammit."  "I'm a good teacher."  "I'm a good wife."  "I'm a good daughter."  "I'm a good sister."  "I'm a good employee."  "I'm a good worker-outer."  (That is definitely not a word... but you get my drift.)  I have become good at balancing my food with festivities and real life.   I think we all need to do that for ourselves.  We are SO HARD on ourselves.  Ya' know?  I look around at people I truly and completely admire and think to myself that if I could just get my shit together like that, I'd be better off.  But then I get to know those people and realize they have so many of their own pit-falls and sometimes we need to take a second to pat EACH OTHER on the back to remind ourselves that we really are pretty bad-ass.  

My sister, she had a full-time job, a new husband, an apartment to keep up, works out like a super-star, has an INCREDIBLE social life, works her ass off in everything she does and still manages to throw super-cute get-togethers and make time for the folks she keeps close.  My Mom... I don't know where to start there... she is the smartest, most intelligent woman I know that took a new full-time job after retiring from her last full-time federal job and is on more boards and panels and committees than I have pieces of food particles on my living room floor (for those of you that have kids... you know that's a LOT).  She was a hard-core working Mom that made it to pretty much every piano recital, every stupid choir concert, and every parent-teacher conference.  (HOW THE HELL DID SHE DO THAT?)  My sister-in-law married my brother and gave up a full-time career to devote more time and energy to her kids and family and friends.  She works out all the time (even takes her kids to kids yoga and stuff) is creative and intelligent beyond measure, and is involved in so many groups and clubs and is able to help in her kiddos classrooms pretty much whenever possible.  Just my immediate family and close friends has the most amazing spectrum of women that do all these amazing things... and yet... we have had numerous conversations about how we feel we're lacking in some ways and inevitably feel bad about it.  So in thinking about this I'm going to try to take my transformation home... I'm taking it home to the brains and heart to hope that in doing so, I can feel like I'm making a more complete transformation.  (However, I feel that word... transformation... is kinda' stupid.  It's not like I'm a different person or anything... but that's just the word people use... so I'll use it 'cuz I'm a sheep, what can I say? )  The physical stuff will be a bit easier because instead of punishing or celebrating non-existent deficits and downfalls, I can stay more stable and confident and not get freaked out about the little shit.  I am a human person with human faults and a super-human level of potential for whatever I believe I'm capable of.  I am not special in that. We can all have that if we take some time to pat each other on the back and give each other more praise than we do right now.  Sometimes there are people that just make you feel good, and I believe that we can all be that person.  I know I can be better about it.  Who doesn't love a compliment?  I mean, we all say... "Oh geez..." when someone says something nice like we don't deserve it.  But it puts a little more spring in your step and makes you grin just a little bit inside.  The truth is, we MEAN it when we say these things... we're not just saying it to appease someone.  I know that I am not a sugar-coating kind of person, so if I say you look nice, or your hair looks cute, or your make-up is particularly lovely that day, or that you just are genuinely kind of kick ass... take it in and SWIM AROUND IN IT because it's real.  I mean it.  I'm going to continue to try to make positive changes by working out and eating good, healthy food... but I'm also going to try to stop feeling guilty and acknowledge other people's efforts in being a Mom, being a wife, being a sister, being a friend, being a daughter, etc. etc.  Those are tough jobs sometimes and the more support and encouragement I can give might help make their load a little lighter to carry that day.  Who's with me?  

Meanwhile, I fed my belly with:

Breakfast:  Before leaving a bit early to take Mama to the airport, I made a weird concoction of coconut, berries, almond butter, coconut milk and some almonds.  Kinda' weird, but also kinda' good.

Lunch:  Salad with some leftover steak and balsamic dressing... and grapefruit (of course).

Dinner:  Hamburger patty with guacamole and some bacon.  Then sadly I followed it up with some of the cake pop cake... some?  Well... lots.  Oops.  BUT I'M NOT GONNA' FEEL GUILTY, DAMMIT.

Monday is DUUUUUUHN.  On to Tuesday and let's hope that neither girl wakes up in the middle of the night and I get some freaking sleep.  

Super Yums while Mama's in town...

This has been an awesome weekend.  My Mama came to town and ever since it's been a feast of delicious food, treats, "Amma" fun (the girls call Grandma, "Am-Maw"), and exciting outings.  I picked her up on Thursday night and didn't have to work Friday.  We woke up to an awesome breakfast of sweet potato

"fritters" (recipe to follow this week because it was SO GOOD we're having it for dinner on Halloween), poached eggs, and bacon.  We lazed around a bit and then we did some brief Nordstrom Rack shopping (where I scored some great jeans and a couple tops).  After that, we picked up Anna and went to buy some crafting supplies.  Anna and "Amma" must have made 149 necklaces together with beads and elastic.  Anna was LOVING it.  That night, we had some stuffed squash and salad.  The stuffed squash was very "eh," but the salad was AWESOME.  I don't know exactly what it was, but it was super good... greens, carrots, cucumber, pomegranate seeds, pecans, and some balsamic vinaigrette.  Saturday was the MOTHER LOAD day because I actually got in another long-ish run (which was good because later on I ate a shitload of bread and cheese), then we did a massive errand day (back to Michaels for more bead supplies) and then went to... wait for it... DISNEY ON ICE!!!  Holy Moses... I wasn't sure when this phase of my life as a parent was going to begin.  But I knew that as a Mother of two girls it was only a matter of time.  Well, it all started today.  The girls were COMPLETELY excited and LOVED every second.  Lucy was the funniest of both.  She was completely captivated and entranced by the ENTIRE show.  She stared and didn't take her eyes off it the entire time.  When the princesses skating on ice started waving at the crowd, Lucy started waving back at them.  Then... when Rapunzel emerged her face lit up like the sky on the fourth of July.  She was ELATED and the joy on her face made me actually get a little teary-eyed.  It was almost too much.

THEN... the good part for me started.  I mean, it was good to watch the girls enjoy the show, but we went to this AWESOME little restaurant here in Portland called Ned Ludd.  It was AMAZE-BALLS.  It was super small (only 11 or so tables with a couple bar seats) and the atmosphere was so cozy and rustic, I guess.  It was very seasonal with a rotating menu based on availability.  I had never been there before, but with my Mom in town I asked a friend for recs and she told me about this place.  Well it did NOT disappoint.  We started with a charcuterie plate of meats and cheeses and seeded bread.  Oh my god, and there was this mustard that was grainy and sweet and so good.  All of it made me smile inside. I love meats and cheeses... and bread, of course.  Sooooo... paleo?  Not so much.  But delicious?  Yes.  Worth it?  Absolutely.  For dinner I  had wood-fired trout with a carrot and radish salad with charred spring onions.  OH. MY. LORD.  I know, I know... trout?  Yes. Trout.  I loved every scrumptious bite and it was SO AMAZING!!!!  I highly recommend this place and thanks for the recommendation, Taiger!

So that brings me to today.  I actually woke up and went to work out again!  (YAY ME!)  Speaking of, if you haven't already discovered it, there's this free app called "Nike Training Club" that is really pretty awesome.  It gives you SO MANY OPTIONS for workouts and you can even do targeted workouts for certain body areas, or you can do cardio workouts (that I did today).  It's nice because it's like a trainer in your ear buds that keeps you moving and makes the time pass a hell of a lot faster than if you were sitting on a treadmill or an elliptical machine for the same amount of time.  Let me tell ya'... I was sweating buckets and my bum is a wee bit tender today.  When I got home, I got my clothes changed to do our weekly shopping.  I did the meal planning last night and Amma went shopping with Anna and I!  It was pretty exciting for her, I do believe.

We started at Target (heavens do I love that place).  Amma completely outfitted Anna for the winter season (she's beyond generous) and I filled in the gaps to fulfill this month's installment of my cookie-of-the-month-club for my new brother-in-law.  (Sidenote: I would have probably lost approximately 23 more pounds over the course of the last 11 months had I NOT given him this as a gift.  I have realized that when I make cookies, there is NO WAY I can't eat at least two heaping spoonfuls of dough and at least two cookies. I have made him a different variety of cookie every month since last Christmas. Oh well.)  Then after Target we hit Costco.  That's leads me to what I believe could be the most useful section of tonight's blog installment.  Costco Courtesies.  I believe it's my responsibility to make a brief list of common courtesies to use when one goes to Costco.  We ran in to some pretty stupid-ass people at Costco today whom did NOT have a knowledge of these, what I thought were, very widely accepted protocols at the mega-box super-store.

Parking

1. When you're playing chicken with 34 other house-wives and elderly people for ONE spot that isn't even really close... keep looking, it's not worth it. There are some people that feel exceptionally entitled in that parking lot and you don't want to mess with them... seriously... they're like a whole different breed. Chances are good something else will open up in a minute.
2. If you're waiting for a spot, make sure you put on your blinker and don't get angry or perturbed when someone else is inching... simply do a respectful smile and point to the spot you're waiting for.  On the flip side, if someone else is waiting and they extend the courtesy of the smile and point... give them a quick smile back and a little wave or a steering wheel acknowledgment (you know when you're holding the steering wheel and hold up a couple fingers... not one finger... be careful about that... it could send a very different message than you intended).
3. Once parked, proceed with caution because same said entitled crazy people are still going to be vying for spots and dodging other entitled folks.  
4. Inside Costco... PLEASE DEAR LORD KEEP MOVING PAST THE SAMPLES ONCE YOU'VE TAKEN YOUR ONE ALLOTTED SELECTION.  People are INSANE about the samples.  If you don't want samples... stay away from the meat and cheese section because that's where the good stuff is and people will get really pissy if you get in their way to try some potato dumplings, pot roast, or au gratin potatoes.  
5. Once leaving Costco... be on the lookout for someone who looks like they DESERVE your highly sought-after spot and then give them a point to where you're headed... then they can get your spot.  They will inevitably give you an appreciative smile and nod or wave.  Then they SHOULD throw on the blinker and wait politely while others go FLYING beside and around them pissed off that they weren't worthy of my desired spot.  
6. When you're driving away... feel good about knowing you've made this shopping experience as friendly as possible for yourself and everyone else around you.  Costco is a jungle... a little heads up on how to survive can't hurt.  Above all else, DON'T BE GRUMPY AND PISSY.  It won't do anybody any good.  Your blood pressure will thank you.

After the Costco experience, we moved on to lunch... I'm not going to say much because it won't do it justice.  I will include a picture and just tell you that it included:  brussel sprouts, mushrooms, , butternut squash puree, potatoes (that Anna ate), a BEAUTIFUL slab of pork belly, and a duck egg.  Seriously... it was special.  Real special.  It made my day.  It was paleo at it's finest.  Delicious fresh ingredients with some magical, fatty pig meat.  Sweet lord... so good.

Then I came home, ate cookie dough, then assisted my hubby making a steak dinner for Amma's farewell dinner.  

It was an eventful and beautiful weekend with lots of fun and family.  I miss my family.  With my family comes good food and this weekend we had lots of it.  I stayed pretty solid with the whole paleo-front minus the bread and cheese on Saturday night and the cookie dough today.  I realize it's not perfect, but compared to how I would normally eat, I feel pretty good about it.  Plus, I worked out pretty hard both days, so I'm satisfied.  My body doesn't hate me and I feel pretty good even after my splurges.  This hasn't been terribly hard to maintain.  We'll see how things go as we head into hard-core holiday season... but so far so good!  

I DEVOURED:

Breakfast:  A couple raisins and walnuts (before working out) and banana with almond butter (after I worked out).

Lunch:  Afore-mentioned magic pork belly creation from a cute little place called Toast

Snacks:  TOO MUCH cookie dough.

Dinner:  Steak (from our quarter cow in the freezer), roasted cauliflower, green beans, and salad.

Moving on...

I'll keep this short and sweet.  Today, my task for myself and everybody else... be good to yourself.  There are days where everything goes to h-e-double hockey sticks, and you gotta' give yourself a break.  I know that you can't excuse all bad decisions (food, working out, choice words, etc.), but some days you're not gonna' be perfect, because life isn't perfect.  So today, be good to yourself, give yourself a break, and know that along the way you've made a LOT of good choices that have led you to all the wonderful things in your life.  So today... another compare/contrast.  Just because I don't weight 300 pounds anymore doesn't mean I'm where I SHOULD be... but dammit I've come a long way.  'Tis the season, so I thought this would be a good one to see the changes and appreciate how far I've come and give myself a break.  Just for today.  Tomorrow I'll get back on the wagon and take charge, but for now, I appreciate my effort and I'll work that much harder to know that I need to move on and move forward.  I'm a different person than I was... in some ways.  In others, I'm still very much the same little lady that managed to balloon up to the size of a lineman for the Kansas City Chiefs.  Zoinks... so here's to a new day and not feeling too crummy about some of those choices that probably weren't made in the most balanced and grounded place in my mind.

The day started with excellent choices for my belly... then...
Breakfast: Smoothie with spinach, berries, cherries, hemp powder (super hippy, dippy, right?), and coconut milk.
Lunch:  Salad with chia seeds, sunflower seeds and shrimp with homemade red wine vinaigrette (I never know how to spell that word) and... wait for it... grapefruit.  Yum.
Dinner:  Lots of random food that individually isn't so bad, but when you chunk it all together... a weird gorge-fest of: chocolate chips, peanut butter, an apple (to be healthy of course), honey, a little bit of pork carnitas (mexican pork), and then a few more chocolate chips and walnuts.  Sheesh.  Like I said... give me a break, please?

Trying to get my wheels back...

Where to begin... it's been a brief hiatus.  I've realized that I always have a crap-load of stuff to say... so when I don't actually keep up every day, I lose track of all the things I have to say and I get irritated because then I forget.  I should probably start an "idea list" or something so I don't forget all the undoubtedly brilliant things I can share.

Over the weekend we did a family "hike" up to this place called "Little Zig Zag Falls."  I use the term "hike" very loosely because it's more of a jaunt, or a meander.  It's a REALLY easy walk up a river to some falls.  The river "zig zags" it's way up and it's perfectly long enough. There is lots to look at and keeps their attention, but when it's time to leave, it's quick enough to get out of without too much effort.  The falls really are beautiful and the river is calm enough that the girls could wade in their galoshes and throw rocks and stuff.  We did the same thing last year and the same hike... only we did it a little earlier in the summer so it was a lot warmer.  Saturday was COOOOLD (note my hubby's rad sweatshirt that I was wearing), but it was pretty wonderful.  The girls had a great time and it was nice to get out and enjoy some beautiful fall weather in the Northwest. The SUPER bonus was that when we got there, this lovely older couple was taking their horses out of a trailer for a ride.  The girls both got to get on the horses and sit there.  My lord, we could have stopped there and the trip would have been a complete success.  So... good day.

Then Sunday was sort of our catch up day.  We did the weekly grocery shopping (holy Costco adventure) where I spent as much as a plane ticket to a small island.  Then we spent a little time with a girlfriend helping her with some invitations.  I've been known to throw together a mean "theme" party from time to time.  Sheesh... that's a whole 'nother post, but I do love a good party.  I am so my Mother's daughter.  We completed our weekend with some sausage and onions and sweet potato fries.  OH!  And I did my first "long" run for a while.  I woke up and had a lovely, early morning, foggy, fall run.  I did a fun four miles, which... for those of you that run are probably laughing at.  But being out of the game for a while, it was good to know that my work is paying off and I'm getting my wheels back.  It was really nice.  Actually, this last weekend was the one year anniversary of the first time I ran with my friend's hubby for the Halloween-themed 5K.  It's called "Run Like Hell" and we dressed up as Batman and the Commissioner.  Can you believe he ran the whole time in that complete get-up?  Pretty damn impressive.

Today was a relatively "decent" day considering it was yet another Monday.  My special little fella in my class had a WONDERFUL day, I had a great workout, and got my girls picked up, listened to them laugh playing in the backyard, and had a good pork chop dinner.  It was a good day.  Just for fun, I'll tell you what my workout was today.  Sometimes I get bored at the gym and today I kept it pretty interesting by doing a sort of circuit (kinda').  Yesterday was a pretty solid run, so I tried to do something that was more strength training-based and to continue to work on improving my endurance.
First: 5 rounds of: 5 pull-ups, 10 push-ups, and 15 squats.
Next: 4 rounds of: Run a quarter mile, then row 500 meters (about 20 minutes total)
Last: 3 rounds of: 10 burpees, 20 situps, 20 toe touches, 10 burpees, and 20 single-arm snatches, 10 on each arm (doesn't that sound like a dirty word? But it's super good for your shoulders.)

I actually kind of hate to admit it, but I've noticed a huge increase in muscle rebound and endurance since starting this whole paleo thing.  I want to just say, I haven't been as diligent as some, but I've been pretty damn good.  Since I've started I've lost 14 pounds, felt MUCH better about my eating choices, and stayed pretty true to eating primarily paleo for the vast majority of the time... INCLUDING only 5 beers total since beginning (and that was at a couple post-work happy hours which are pretty much required for teachers).  That being said...

What went in my belly:
Breakfast: SERIOUSLY good breakfast omelet with avocado and tomato and a side of mixed berries with walnuts and unsweetened coconut.
Lunch: Leftover chicken sausage (so good) and sauteed onions on top of greens with carrots and peppers (I used a mix of dijon and stone ground mustard as my "dressing" today... it was REALLY good) and a grapefruit.
Dinner: Skillet fried pork chops with oven roasted brussel sprouts and butternut squash (CHOMP!!!).
Dessert: Super dark chocolate with sea salt (DOUBLE CHOMP!)

Daily tip:  When I take my girls up to bed, I wash my face, take out my contacts, and brush my teeth.  Then I don't want to eat anything else after they go to bed. So either I'm SERIOUSLY lazy, or I am a genius.  I choose to believe it's the latter.  I just discovered this.  So simple and it's really saved my bacon the last few nights.  I've wanted ice cream.  Lots of it.  Gooey ice cream with stuff to dig for... that's my jam.  But ah well... I've already brushed my teeth and it won't taste right and I don't wanna' brush my teeth again.

ADIOS FRIENDS.  On to Tuesday...

GUHHHHH-ZOINKS.

I have officially had one of the WEIRDEST weeks of my life.  Seriously.  So it's been busy, not a big deal... but some of the things that have managed to happen this week really caught me a little off guard.  So... there was the whole "holding a kid down" on Tuesday, followed by 5th grade volleyball.  Then yesterday (missed a post for this one) I had a "fairly" regular day and then decided to go on a jog up by my school because it was BEAUTY outside and I thought it would be nice.  I realized I forgot my ear-buds so I ended up wearing some GIANT headphones that are the over-the-ear kind that my students wear in the computer labs courtesy of my school district.  I'm sure I looked SUPER rad running around in those suckers.  THEN... I followed that up with delivering fast food items to people from our school (and some that aren't).  Not my typical Wednesday evening activity.  Which, I might add... I resisted the urge to DEVOUR a bacon cheeseburger that I saw and it literally almost jumped into my mouth.  Really... that thing had legs.  ANYHOOOO... so Wednesday came and went and here we are: Thursday.  Sweet lord... It started out fairly regular in that I woke up a little too late, took my shower, got dressed, ate my BOMB breakfast courtesy of my hubby, and was a LITTLE late taking the youngest to her daycare lady.  Taking her to daycare is always a little funny in the morning because "daycare" is essentially going to this lady's house (she actually is pretty wonderful and she's taken care of both my girls now for about 5 years) where they bake, play, clean, help fold laundry, read, color, play outside (weather permitting), and just hang out.  She's kind of like a crazy aunt.  Well, this morning the little one and I roll up outside her house and granted, we get there at about 6:55 A.M.  I realize that's early... but nonetheless... it's been that way for five years now, like I said.  So I knock and knock for nearly 5 minutes, finally I look in and see our "child care specialist" asleep in her la-z-boy.  So I knock and the window and realize she's rousing so I go back to wait at the door where I hear a fairly substantial THUD.  It was her... face-planting in her living room.  WHAAAA????  Evidently her legs had fallen asleep while she was just "dozing off" and she literally fell face first in to her living room.  She played it pretty cool while I was there, but when the hubby went to pick the wee one up, she had screwed up her knee pretty good and got some road rash on her nose.  Good grief.  THEN... moving on, I was TRYING to drive to work and a drive that should have taken no more than 30 minutes took me nearly an hour.  All I can say is thank goodness for Pandora and good, happy music.  Otherwise I would be a REALLY terrible person most of the time.  Have you ever noticed that music can COMPLETELY change your attitude?  This morning I got VERY in to some Heart, Chicago, and just to keep things interesting... Rump Shaker.  That's right...

Okay... so I've finally made it to school and with barely enough time I fixed myself a mug of tea and got my room fairly straightened up (and since I was at school a little while longer yesterday before the fast-food-a-thon, things were pretty well ready to go).  The bell rang and in filtered my kiddos.  I have an EXTREMELY wonderful class, for the most part.  My kids are sweet and eager to please and I do believe there's a lot of room for growth.  HOWEVER... you remember that kiddo that I had to hold down on Tuesday?  Well, he got a wild hair again today and decided to hoof it off campus.  In other words, he was running the streets both in and out of the fences of our school.  SOMETHING happened while this poor little person was in art today that sent into a tizzy and the little creature thought that the best move was to take off and run away.  At one point, there were NINE adults trying to wrangle this kid and the little guy did NOT go down without a fight.  His Mom was notified (obviously) and she (after some time) was able to get him and make him stop.  But I'll just tell ya'... after something like that, I feel COMPLETELY spent.  I can't quite begin to explain what it's like.  It's like this weird no-man's land of feelings because I ADORE this kid.  I really do.  All I can think about is how bad I feel for him that he must be in that much pain and disarray that he believes his only option is to run away and try to hide.  What must it be like to live in that poor little head of his... and he's NINE!  I just hurt for him... HOWEVER... I also start to hurt for my other kiddos because then after something like that I just am so overwhelmed that I don't fully commit to the rest of my day and they then have to sacrifice because of my inability to overcome the feelings I am having about what had happened earlier in the morning.  I mean, it's not like I'm stooped over sighing heavily and heavy breathing... but I am just a notch or two below where I normally am.

So tonight, when I got home... I thought it was a good excuse to do my very first attempt at "paleo baking."  Let me tell you... the pictures look great... but these things are not awesome.  Having done it this time (and spending like a gillion dollars on coconut flour and ingredients like that), I probably won't do it much more.  I would MUCH rather have a grapefruit or an apple and almond butter as a treat.  Sweet Jesus, did I really say that?  I declared tonight, to the hubby, that when I'm in the mood to splurge, I'll really splurge and not try to substitute something else instead.  Cuz I'll be honest... not so hot... and CERTAINLY not worth the time and energy.  I found what looked like two solid recipes online... and they looked good, but just didn't pan out. I did a pumpkin spice guy with dark chocolate coating and walnuts and a chocolate with chocolate coating and coconut flakes.  I do realize, however... that chocolate is generally not totally approved, but also extra dark chocolate is acceptable in small quantities... I say this is a small quantity.  Especially when these donuts are disgustingly healthy (disgusting being kind of the operative word).  I will test them out on some folks and let you know how it turns out. I thought I'd try it because every Friday our "pod" at school (the six classrooms that are in one wing of the school) takes turns buying coffees or morning beverages of choice (excluding mimosas).  I thought it would be fun to make some "paleo donuts" to take and share.  One girl is gluten-free and there's another paleo follower (which is kind of crazy, right?  Three out of the six classrooms are following a fairly similar diet plan.  Kinda' awesome.)  Well, I made 'em... I'll take 'em... but I probably am not going to impress much of anyone.

So today... my lessons learned were that paleo baking isn't so great, running after a nine-year-old in and out of your school grounds is taxing, and don't surprise your daycare lady because she might fall on her face.  OUCH.

Food for my belly today:
Breakfast:  Another outstanding omelet and fruit bowl.
Lunch: Leftover shredded chicken on a salad with avocado and tomato... and of course a grapefruit.
Dinner:  This awesome marinara with TONS of veggies sliced up and ground turkey all mixed up.  It was kind of like an italian chili with a crapload of vegetables like spinach, asparagus, zucchini, tomatoes, broccolette, and herbs.  It was actually SUPER delicious.  My hubby did it all by himself!
Dessert:  Donut batter, some dark chocolate chips, and some walnuts... I kinda' succumb to the powers that be this evening... but ah well.

Crock Pot Magic!!!!

First of all, I'm going to start this post with a big ol' shout out to the hubby.  This man is really something.  Every day he wakes up before me (I'm not really a morning person), takes his shower, gets dressed and starts working on the morning duty of packing lunches for both girls and starting breakfasts for all three girls... including me.  Today, he really stepped up his game and made me a breakfast that I SO should have taken a picture of because it was INSANE.  It's a highlight of my morning to get served something so amazingly satisfying and nutritious without me having to lift a finger.  Today it was an omelette filled with some leftover diced up pork, spinach, and peppers.  On the side was some sliced avocado and tomato.  Then, in a small bowl was cut up strawberries with walnuts and some shredded unsweetened coconut sprinkled on top.  THEN... he had my cup of tea steeping (with a plate on top, as to keep it hot) at my spot at the table waiting for me when I came down.  Honestly, how did I win that lottery???  It was a gorgeous spread on a normal Tuesday morning.  In hindsight, it's a good thing he did it because I had to physically restrain one of my students for a good 30 minutes today while he kicked and thrashed to keep him from running out of the school into the neighborhood like he did last time.  I bet it was the extra blast of coconut at the end that kept the firm hold.  HAHAHA!  (It's not funny, I realize that... but seriously I have to keep a sense of humor or else I'll lose my mind.)  The joys of being a school-teacher.  So moving on...

So here you have it... crock pot magic.  I am having kind of a crazy/busy week so I knew easy dinners were going to be a must.  When I did my meal planning I planned on some form of taco salads/taco boats for tonight (Tuesday) and tomorrow (Wednesday).  Tonight was volleyball (WHOO HOO!) and tomorrow I offered to work for an hour at a local "fast food" place called Burgerville as a fundraiser for our school.  Now, truth be told... if I was like McTeacher Night or something like that, I probably wouldn't have gotten on board.  But of all the "fast food" places I know of, Burgerville is a little different.  They buy locally sourced food if possible and they have definitely made an effort to be a different kind of fast food.  Here is a quote from their website:  "Burgers here are made from pastured vegetarian-fed and antibiotic-free beef. The eggs on our breakfast biscuits are from cage-free hens that have never been treated with antibiotics. Salads offer mixed greens topped with smoked salmon and Oregon hazelnuts. Even desserts and sides rely on seasonal, local ingredients - blackberry milkshakes are only available in season, as are the hand-prepared buttermilk-battered onion rings made from Walla Walla sweet onions grown in Washington and Oregon."   I have to believe it.  Their food is better and I would feel pretty okay about my kids eating here as a treat.  (They also have pretty impressive employee benefits and put a heavy emphasis on being environmentally sound.  Anyway, enough about that... I'm busy.  I didn't get home till a bit later tonight and tomorrow I'll be even later.  Thursday will be late and then it'll blissfully be Friday.  So the plan was pork chops last night (check), today I planned on the crock pot salsa chicken.  I wanted there to be enough for lunches and dinners for two days.  This is honestly the BEST "recipe" in the world because you don't have to prepare ANYTHING ahead of time, and more often than not, you have EVERYTHING you need to throw in there without any planning.  Here's how it goes:

1. Take out as many chicken breasts from the freezer that you want.  I buy ours in bulk at Costco.  It's bonkers how much chicken we eat.  Anyway, today I took out five pretty good size chicken boobs and put them in... wait for it... FROZEN into the crock pot.  Seriously... frozen.  It's magical.  You don't even have to remember to take anything out of the freezer!
2. Then you cover the boobs with salsa.  Today I did a mix of verde and regular (whatever you have on hand!!!).  I probably did about 32 ounces?  I used Herdez salsa verde and mild Herdez regular salsa.  I went with neither spicy so the girls would eat it too.  You can always add spice in the form of fresh sliced jalapenos or hot sauce after the fact.
3. Then sprinkle (generously) with Cumin and coriander and I had some Goya "Adobo" seasoning with cumin added.  I put that on it too. 
4. Swoosh around the chicken so it mixes it all up a little bit and set it on low. 

It took about 4 minutes from start to finish including taking the crock pot out of the corner cupboard.  I came downstairs at 6:25 A.M., ate my beautiful breakfast, drank my tea, and as the hubby was plopping the chicken and salsa into the crock pot, I came in and seasoned with the cumin, coriander, garlic, and adobo... swooshed around, covered and VOILA... out the door by 6:55 A.M..  THAT'S ALL!!!!  Tonight at about 5:00 I came home and the hubby was sautee-ing some peppers and onions so I took off the lid of the crock pot, shredded up the chicken (which happens VERY easily), and then I left the lid off for a bit because it still had quite a bit of liquid, but it was FINE.  So our dinner was mini romaine boats with sauteed onions and peppers, shredded "dobi" (that's what my youngest daughter called it after hearing "adobo") chicken, diced tomatoes, avocado, and cilantro.  They're pretty much like lettuce tacos and this mini romaine they're carrying at Costco right now has really stole my heart.  Taco night is one of my favorite regular meals.  I LOVE Mexican flavors and this one REALLY fits the bill.  I would probably devour quite a few tortilla chips if they were THERE... but if they're not, I really don't miss them.  I also love shrimp tacos in the romaine boats.  Well, I love all kinds of tacos... seriously... very equal opportunity here.  I even LOVE taco salad... I'm having visions of avocado dressing for tomorrow night, but chances are good I might have to let that go because I won't have time.  This particular round of shredded chicken tastes so much like Chipotle or something like that (their burrito bowls are FANTASMIC).  So try the crock pot magic.  And if you don't have a crock pot, WHY NOT???  They're absolutely incredible.  I have always loved the idea of a crock pot and have discovered some really exceptional recipes that work really well in here.  My aunt makes this macaroni and cheese in the crock pot that is PAINFULLY good.  Some day that I'm planning to really go "off the plan," I PLAN on eating that stuff.  I've made it a couple times for some school crock pot pot-lucks and everyone FREAKS for it.  There is absolutely NOTHING redeeming about it and it is sleazy and disgusting... and magical.  It is honestly something that my mac-n-cheese dreams are made of.  I don't care what people say, it doesn't matter how long you do this paleo gig, some things are just plain good and you just ignore the hell out of all the shitty processed stuff because sometimes, SOMETIMES you just want somethin' sleazy and ooey-gooey.  Until you get the urge to completely buck the common sense, try the shredded chicken, it's delicious and freaky-clean.  (Just make sure your salsa doesn't have added sugar... it's SHOCKING how many add sugar in some variety.)  

My belly was filled with:

Breakfast:  The incredible feast described above courtesy of my beau.

Lunch:  Leftover pork chop, brussel sprouts, and roasted carrots (I'll have to tell you more about these later... they're SO GOOD) and a grapefruit.

Dinner:  Shredded chicken crock pot magic taco boats.

One reason I'm loving this whole blogging thing... it keeps my hands and my mouth out the kitchen for after-dinner snacky-sweets.  Even fruit late in the evening is just kind of a sugar substitute.  I've also realized that... I would substitute one bad habit for another one.  Instead of having a little ice cream or cookie, I would have an apple with almond butter.  Is it the worst thing in the world for me?  No... Did I need it?  No... So I'm trying to stop with the after-dinner "splurging."  Not needed and if I can keep myself busy doing something else, I'm not hungry and I can go to bed excited about whatever breakfast wonder I have to look forward to on the following morning.  I can enjoy it that much more knowing I didn't have that "extra" thing the night before.  YAHOO for self-reflection.  hehe... Happy Tuesday... Hopefully Wednesday I won't have to hold anyone down unless I want to.

Ding dong...

Not like the Little Debbie thing... but like wedding bells.  No, the hubby and I aren't renewing our vows or anything, but my little sis got married last summer and I just got word that my eldest bro set the date for his upcoming nuptials... so it got me thinking about my wedding, weddings in general, and most of all the most recent wedding of my little sister.  So for those of you that already know me (who, let's face it, is pretty much everyone who's reading this), my sister is IT for me. I am blessed to have so many awesome friends, a great husband, etc. etc., but my sister is pretty much the peas to my carrots and the oatmeal to my raisin.  I kinda' thought it was the way it was for everybody, but evidently talking on the phone every single morning and maybe again later in the day to your sister isn't completely "normal."  When I'm driving to work, she calls me between 7:03 A.M. and 7:09 A.M. every morning.  She is in New York being amazing with her new husband and has the most ADORABLE apartment and crazy job where she sells like a gillion dollars worth of jewelry in New York City.  It's so weird to hear about her life.  I mean, we're about equi-distant from where we started in Kansas... but for some reason her amazing life that she's created seems unreal to me.  She's my little sister, for goodness sake!  How could she have possibly done all these amazing things without me!?  Apparently she's grown up and gotten married... and lives in New York.  She's crazy amazing.  

If it weren't for my sister, I don't think the changes in my life would have been possible.  She has been there every single step of the way and has made some pretty incredible changes in her life, too.  That girl is seriously freaking drop-dead gorgeous and kicks some ass in the healthy lifestyle category.  I mean, she didn't fall far from the tree in that she had some "battles" to fight, but she fought them and seriously took no prisoners.  I look at her and I'm constantly in awe.  She encouraged me and believed in me before I knew I could even do it.  When that switch flipped, she pulled me forward and kept me going.  We shared in triumphs and tribulations together all along the way and right now we're settling in to our lives and trying to figure out how to maintain it and feel great day in and day out.  Now she continues to push me and encourage me in that really freaking frustrating "maintenance" game.  Again, we're birds of a feather and we enjoy partaking in some of life's pleasures together (ice cream, beer, and pizza... oh... and burgers and fries), but we also have been seen doing a turkey trot over a family Thanksgiving in Malibu, jogs around Kansas, killer cardio/bootcamp classes in NYC, and even a couple trips to a resort gym in Vegas on a trip before she got married.  So yeah... shit's changed... a lot.  She has truly been a HUGE reason for me maintaining the changes I've made, and I'd like to think that I've been able to support her through this as well.  The funny thing about me starting to lose the weight, is that I knew she and her beau were going to be getting married sooner or later and the thing that totally got me started was that I wanted her to be able to have a bridesmaid dress that she loved... not one that she had to get because it came in my size.  I was completely terrified of being the big ol' big sis and so that got me started on step one.  I even remember telling Leah when I first got down to a size 14 (from 26), that she would indeed be able to pick any dress she wanted.  She has GORGEOUS friends, and I didn't want to stick out like a sore thumb... so I did it.  I kept going a little ways and ultimately, my sister got to pick whatever she wanted for us to wear and I felt good.  It was an incredible day and I definitely had a great time (ah hem... a REALLY great time... maybe? too great?... nah.)  But most of all it made me so proud that I was able to stand up with my sister, feeling good about myself, supporting her and her husband in the way that I knew I wanted.  She deserves it all and I know it probably wouldn't have mattered to her if I was a size 6 or 26, but given the road we've traveled together in the past couple years, it made it that much more special for me to be in that moment with her and I believe it's made us even more connected than we were before (if that's possible).  It made me feel great that I was able to help her feel good on her big day in a way that I don't think I would have been able to do prior to me becoming aware of how I was totally mutilating my body from the inside out.  We share recipes, talk about workouts, and convince each other to go to the gym (simply by knowing the other is going is reason enough).  We've been lucky enough to never feel threatened or competitive with one another and I believe that's helped us get so close and STAY close.  We thrive in each other's successes and I've only felt excitement about her accomplishments.  So when I sat and looked at how FREAKING UNBELIEVABLY BEAUTIFUL she looked in her wedding pics she just got back, it made me SO HAPPY to see her so happy.  And even though I'm the big sister... I know she was proud of me too, and that made me feel on top of the world on her special day.

Today's belly-fillers were:

Breakfast: sweet potato hash leftovers with two poached eggs

Lunch:  Spinach salad with shrimp, grapefruit

Snack:  Apple

Dinner:  Pork Chop with roasted spiced carrots and brussel sprouts

You're Just What I Needed!

In my head, the title of this post is sung... like that Cars song... "You're just what I needed!"  (This Song)  I have been feeling pretty sorry for myself lately.  Not like, "Oh, poor me" but more like, "Oh man, I have all this stuff I have to deal with in my life."  I guess that's pretty much "poor me," isn't it?  I'll admit I have been feeling pretty overwhelmed with life lately, but really it's just LIFE STUFF.  Everybody has something to shoulder, and the things I'm "saddled with" aren't really that big of a deal.  Anyway, today was a day that turned things around for me.

Today's post is kind of a two-parter.  I got super pissed last night because I tried to post and it lost all my shit, so I gave up and went to bed. So I will do an abbreviated post on what I was GOING to post yesterday.  What it boiled down to was that one of the things that keeps me going in this whole paleo gig is planning.  It DOES require a bit of planning and I do have to be aware of what I'm doing for food throughout the week.  My love affair with planning and organization started WAY before I got on the paleo train.  For example, when I was a kid I used to INSIST on organizing the pantry in our family's kitchen and my Mom's medicine/toiletries cabinet.  It used to make me totally unsettled when I would see canned goods mixed with peanut butter, mixed with sugar, mixed with rice.  There needs to be an order to things, for goodness sake.  My Mom's medicine cabinet was my FAVORITE because I used to use shoe boxes to put like items together and sort them and get rid of the stuff that looked funky.  I LOVED it. My Dad used to tease me because I seriously asked for Rubbermaid containers once for a birthday.  I know, kind of a weirdo, but I love order, I love routine, and I love to know what to expect... whether it be when I open a cupboard or when I get ready to make dinner.  Planning on paleo ensures that you have SOMETHING ready to be prepped or eaten every day so you're not having to sacrifice and default to something crappy.  I have always been a meal planer, and I have ALWAYS loved to make grocery lists.  I make my list according to the order of the store.  In fact, I make an initial list and then re-make the list crossing off things as I re-write them on the NEW list in the order of the store.  I'm freaking myself out saying this.  Wow, I'm nuts.  But seriously, it's unbelievably fulfilling.  If you've never tried it do it... you just might love it and it SERIOUSLY cuts down on impulse buys.  It's kind of like clothes shopping and you end up with all shirts and no pants or skirts.  It'll never happen with adequate planning.  It's no accident that on my team of teachers at school I'm in charge of scheduling out the year and planning for lessons so we teach all the topics we need to teach by certain deadlines.  Love it.  It's a sickness but it's wonderful. I also am realizing, as I watched my 3-year-old make it so her glasses were perfectly squared off to the table and totally even with her sister's... that POSSIBLY... that apple didn't fall far from the tree.  Sooooo... in an effort to keep myself and our family organized, this calendar is magic.  
 It makes me happy.  I scoured Barnes & Noble for the perfect calendar for our family to use to stay on top of things.  It's posted in our kitchen and this particular calendar fits EVERY bill I needed.  It actually has a SLOT built in for meals.  I love this thing and God help us all if they ever stop making it.  This is year four in the making of this bad boy.  I've sought it out over and over and it's never let me down.  So yesterday was meal planning, grocery shopping, and re-stocking the fridge.  I love when we have practically NOTHING in our fridge because we've used up EVERYTHING we bought and we've followed the meal plan to the point where we're not wasting bags and bags of produce.

On to part two.  I'm not going to say much here, but when you have a day like today... I look at what I have in my life and I feel so incredibly lucky and fulfilled.  I woke up and went for a crispy fall morning run, worked out doing some pull-ups (no, I can't do a real one... jumping ones), push-ups (but I CAN do a mean "real" push-up), and squats, and then came home to a DELICIOUS breakfast cooked up by my amazing hubby.  He keeps my belly happy.  He takes very good care of us and he makes me happy.  Things aren't always perfect and no-doubt will never be... but for now, things are good and he is a hell of a guy.

THEN... we frenzied and packed up our stuff to hit the pumpkin patch with our group of friends (read: family) that we built up here.  My family is all over the place, and there's no family like it.  I'm a crazy lucky person.  I have an incredible "real" family, and I have this one... this is a family that's grown and evolved and is ever-changing.  But right now, it's a family that I've chosen and had a privilege to be a part of for quite a few years now.  We all have kids (see the newest little wee babe... SO SWEET), we all love hanging out, and we all make it a point to laugh with and at each other as much as possible.  We pumpkin patched and then went one of the couple's houses and had soup and sammies and hung out.  We held babies, ate good food (I made a paleo soup to take just to be sure I didn't gorge on paninis. That's not to say I didn't sneak a few bites from one or two of other people's sammies.  But soup is about the EASIEST thing to make paleo and VERY satisfying, so I did manage to stay away from the beer, the no-bake cookies, and the potato chips.), and laughed... a lot.  Moments like today are unfortunately few and far between, but oh-so-necessary for the goodness of my life.  I am happy right now.  At  this moment I can say that all the "life shit" that I was feeling overwhelmed by is still there.  My car's heater is still jacked, we still have bills to pay, I still have to find a way to move forward and today... it seems like somehow it'll all work out... just like things have a way of doing.  I love days like today... full and happy.  I'm sitting here at the end of this wonderful fall day with a fire in the fireplace, watching some cheesey Live Well Network TV show, and I'll start the next week of my life happy and I'll try to ride this wave as long as I can.

I nourished this belly today with:
Breakfast:  Sweet potato, onion, pepper, and spinach hash with two poached eggs.
Snack:  2 apples from the pumpkin patch (they grow 'em there).
Lunch:  Super paleo soup with tomatoes, avocado, and basil.  (And a few nibbles of assorted sandwich crusts... not gonna' lie.)  Also took a grapefruit with me and had two clementines poppers.  These things were TINY!
Dinner:  Leftover soup and some cashews.

Holy Mayo...

So a SERIOUS treat while eating "paleo" is real deal, super delicious, crazy thick, creamy and divine mayonnaise.  There are so many things to say about my day today, but at this point, these are small matters is that tonight we had a dinner that included a mayo that is about as easy as it gets and all with "healthy fats" and four ingredients and it is SO G.D. GOOD.  Just 'cuz I was curious, I happened to look at the label on our light mayo, and sweet lord... there are a LOT of things in there.  Then I looked online at the "olive oil mayos" that are available out there and still... SO MANY INGREDIENTS!  If you're going by the rule of thumb of, "if you can't pronounce it, don't eat it" mayo would be off the list.  BUT NOT ANYMORE!  I have made two PERFECT batches of mayonnaise and both times were put to VERY good use.  The first time I made your standard plain mayo for a batch of chicken salad to have handy for the week just in case we didn't want to do any work at all for something good, filling, and relatively healthy to eat.  It pretty much fills all the gaps, your protein, we even put cucumber and carrots in ours along with the celery, so you got your veggies (and usually I'm eating it in a lettuce wrap or on top of a bed of spinach), and a healthy fat... INSERT MAYO HERE!!!!  The second batch was tonight.  I need a minute because I really want to go in the kitchen and find something else to dip in to the leftovers.  But I'm being very selfless and leaving it for the hubby to make himself a batch of tuna salad.  When he makes tuna salad, he makes it just for him (which he totally should since he is always providing everything for me without really considering himself).  Now, some of you are gonna' wince, but I HATE pickles.  And yes... I have tried pretty much every variety of pickle.  Not least of which was my Grandmother's homemade pickles which are like gold in my family.  I just don't like 'em.  I keep trying them thinking it'll change.  I mean, taste buds change, right?  But this hasn't changed.  When we go out to dinner at a restaurant where a pickle comes on the plate, my hubby SNATCHES the pickle before the plate hits the table because even pickle JUICE has the potential to completely ruin my dining experience.  Seriously, I am SO not a picky eater.  I will pretty much try anything and usually more often than not I like it.  My college roommate will tell you that my tastebuds must have exponentially multiplied since I met her.  Every time we see each other, she always laughs at the "exotic" foods I am now eating... like black beans, avocado, spice.  HA!  She likes to tell the story of a time we went out to dinner for some Thai food and I ordered Pad Thai and when they asked how spicy I wanted the sauce, I said I didn't even want the sauce, just the noodles and veggies.  HAHAHA!!!  Man, I was such a sheltered midwestern nerd.  But I still don't like pickles.  I mean, Kansas has some great "ethnic" food, but we were raised on serious home-cookin'... casseroles, pot pies, meat loaves, roasts, etc.  At dinner every night there would be a STACK of white bread as a side dish.  Accompanied of course with butter and some variety of my Grandmother's homemade jelly.  Oh boy, that jelly.  As you can see by the fact that my Grandma made pickles, jelly, and every delicious baked good known to man, it's no mystery that a girl with absolutely no "off" switch in the food category would balloon up like a freaking walrus.  But alas... it was comfort food at it's best and there will ALWAYS be a time and place for that in my life and the life of my family.

Wow... I got on a SERIOUSLY divergent tangent there, but so worth it (that jelly again... my mind is reeling from the memory of the "crab apple jelly" that used to appear on our dinner table so regularly).  SHEESH!  Okay... back.  MAYONNAISE!  There simply are a lot of things you "give up" on this 30 day challenge, and dipping sauces are one of them unless you take some serious time and create something great from scratch.  Honestly, I just don't have the time and when I do I usually spend my time baking something completely sinful for my friends or making a version of a breakfast "treat" that isn't so much like a "treat" but more like a trick.  (I made some pumpkin muffins for my kiddos that are shockingly healthy and pretty damn comprehensive on the nutrition front... and they're none the wiser.)

So.... I made the first batch of mayo for chicken salad... (I promise I always come back  around... it just takes some time.)  Tonight, the batch I made started in the same SUPER SIMPLE way, but then I added cayenne pepper, garlic, and a basic cajun seasoning mix.  SPICY MAYO!!!!  OH. MY. GOODNESS.  It seriously hit the spot and went PERFECTLY with our burgers, sauteed onions and mushrooms, and... wait for it... SWEET POTATO FRIES.  I've mentioned it before, but sweet potatoes are one of those controversial 30-day-challenge topics.  Some folks say not to have them, others say do it in moderation particularly after a hard workout for "recovery."  Now, tonight... I didn't have a hard workout and I wasn't recovering... but it sounded SO GOOD with the burger.  When I realized there would be no ketchup, I went with mayo and it literally takes 2 minutes... if that!  Burgers are on a regular rotation at our house because we bought a quarter cow last year and we are definitely still eating through that mo-fo.  I say that lovingly because it is AWESOME to be able to go out to the freezer and pull a few things out for the week and not have to buy it at the store every week.  NOT TO MENTION the fact that the product is super high quality and natural, organic, grass fed from start to finish beef.  I mean, seriously.... looking at the farm where this cow came from, I wouldn't mind being a cow on that farm (except for the being killed after living such a wonderfully leisurely life for a while).  But anyhow... burgers are a regular deal in all varieties, shapes, and sizes.  You can make anything in to a variety of burger and for me, that HAS to include some kind of topping: ketchup, mustard, pesto, bbq sauce, or... MAYO!  So here is what I did tonight and honestly, please try this.  It's unbelievably wonderful and tastes SO GOOD.  The possibilities are COMPLETELY endless.  You can add herbs, seasonings, etc.  You can literally add ANYTHING you can think of that it whips right up into the most wonderfully thick concoction.  Okay... back to it... here is what I did.

I have an immersion blender and if you don't... go get one.  You can buy them for relatively cheap and I use it for everything from soups, mashed squashes, cauliflowers, to making my own simmered tomato sauces with half the effort.  The EASIEST mayo is made with the immersion blender and I like the consistency of using the immersion blender better than a food processor or a regular blender.  I've also tried to just whip my own using plain old elbow grease and it just doesn't thicken up the way this stuff does.  So here goes:

1. Put one egg and 2 teaspoons of lemon juice (the juice from a jar that you buy in the store is totally perfect) in a jar or tall-ish container for a few minutes to just take the chill off both.  (My immersion blender actually came with a tall plastic container made specifically to prepare things and store them in the container... like this.)
2. Then I added one cup of oil and this is the part that I believe is the most important.  My Costco started carrying avocado oil and this is AWESOME for mayo. Actually, it's pretty awesome for everything.  However, a super light olive oil is good too... just NOT extra virgin oil because it gets a funky flavor for some reason.  Avocado oil is seriously SO GOOD and I highly recommend if you can get your hands on it without breaking the bank.  I splurge a little on this because it's that good.
3. This is where you can add ANY flavors you want.  I added powdered garlic (fresh would be awesome for a little extra spicy bite), salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, and some cajun seasoning (make sure it's a blend with no sugar).  Let all that settle in so the egg settles back on the bottom of the container.
4. Put your immersion blender all the way on the bottom of the container and let 'er rip.  Hold it there without moving it for like 30 seconds.  It happens right in front of your eyes.  After 30 seconds, lift the blender up slowly and make sure all the oil is incorporated and everything is well blended.  
5. NOTHING!   That's it!  I refrigerate mine for a little while afterward just cuz I like that... but it's not necessary.  This mayo is good until the expiration of the egg you used.  

I realize that it uses raw egg, and I try to buy local cage free eggs from someone with chickens, but when I can't, I get as close to that as possible, whether at Trader Joe's or even Costco has some pretty good options (because we eat quite a bit of eggs around here).  

If you like mayo even a little bit, I seriously recommend this.  It's so incredibly good and it satisfies so many of those creamy cravings (that's what she said) that you don't get because of no dairy.  

One variety I'm dreaming of is using lime instead of lemon, then adding cilantro, avocado, jalapeno, and scallions.  That sounds so good, no?  I can see that in my very near future and when I do, I'll definitely let you know how it works out, but I have a feeling it'll be de-lightful.  

What else went in my belly today?  (besides mayo)

Breakfast: omelette with bacon, peppers, and mushrooms with a side bowl of raspberries, strawberries and shredded unsweetened coconut.

Lunch:  OH MY GOD I TOTALLY FORGOT HOW CRAPPY THIS WAS (the situation, not the food)!!!!  We had AWESOME leftover pork carnitas that I had prepared in a separate container from a great salad and then packed a side of an avocado salsa as a dressing and on teh way to the microwave to heat up the pork a little, I DROPPED IT!  It fell and went all over the industrial carpet at my school.  If I were home, no question... pick it up, eat it.  At school, where there are mice and about 10,000 little germ and poop footed infested people walking around... I just couldn't do it.  So I didn't.  So for lunch I had a pretty decent spinach and veggie salad topped with an avocado salsa, a grapefruit, and an apple.

Dinner:  Grass-fed quarter pound burger topped with sauteed onions and mushrooms with a side of sweet potato fries (dressed just with avocado oil, salt and pepper), and sweet, sweet spicy mayo.  Magic.  

Happy Hump Day... now go make some mayonnaise and figure out a way to thank me later.

Bump, Set, Spike...

Today was yet another reminder of just how FREAKING FAR my life has come since just a few years ago.  Today was our first 5th grade volleyball practice.  Now, before I get started, I completely realize that I'm talking about FIFTH GRADE volleyball.  That is not lost on me.  That is also why these moments are so profound. I would have NEVER agreed to do volleyball "before."  I would have never dreamed that I could take part in something that active.  Again... I realize that it's fifth grade.  The funny thing is that I wouldn't have thought I couldn't do it, I just would choose not to, subconsciously knowing that I would have been a totally crappy role model to those young ladies (and gents... though there are only 2 out of our 21 players that are male).  It's so hard to say what I would have done before or how I felt before because I think I used to try SO HARD to ignore the fact, or at least avoid at all costs, the fact that I would not have been able to perform any of the physical tasks that I would have expected those kiddos to do.  So how would I have possibly shown skills by example or even participated along side them?  I wouldn't have, so I opted out by not opting in.  Instead, what I was able to do today was kick a little fifth grade BOO-TAY.  I ran with them, did burpees with them, stretched and warmed up with them, and finally... participated and LED a group of kids that want to be active and are looking up to me because I am active and athletic.  Shit... I'm athletic!  I never thought I would say that... but even for someone that has never played volleyball seriously before, I'm not terrible!  It's pretty astounding to see how my life has changed.  It's not HUGE things all the time, but sometimes the smallest stuff.  I'm jogging and not dying with a bunch of 10-year-olds.  I am able to work out and talk (read: yell) at the same time and by the end of the practice every last one of those kids and myself were worked out, enjoying learning skills of a game that they can enjoy through their own lives.  I'm not trying to "make a mountain out of a mole-hill here," but sometimes it slaps me in the face that, "wow... this never would have happened before."  Before.  Before I was huge and opting out.  Now I'm not huge, and I am very much opting in.  I have done a lot of things and experienced a lot of things.  Geez, even the other day, one of my little friends in my class had "escaped" into a very confined litle space and before I wouldn't have even thought to try to get in there to talk to him to get him out of the place in his head that made him want to be so isolated.  Instead, I shimmied my not-so-tiny, but not-so-huge body into behind a wall to squat and quietly talk to a kiddo that needed some calming words from an adult they knew cared about them.  I am present.  I am present in a way that I didn't know I wasn't present before.  I don't know if that makes sense... but it's not like I was knowingly even NOT being present.  But now that I am actually there, and active, and excited, and happy... I come to realize those moments that would have gone down an entirely different way because my physical self inhibited my mental self from really getting "down and dirty" with the things that come up in my life.  I'm not running around every day from revelation to revelation... but seriously... do you think this girl could have done this?  I'm just so proud.  I'm proud to be where I am and I'm also just so proud of who I'm "allowed" to be now that I have more confidence, more awareness, and simply more ability to be.  The picture on the left was almost two years before to the day of the picture on the right.  The left was lounging, happily, I might add, in my parent's pool.  The one of the right is near the conclusion of my first, and hopefully not my last, Warrior Dash.  Not bad.... not bad at all.

Today food was sort of a "non-issue" because it was SO BUSY!  From school, to volleyball practice, to visiting a bestie with a new baby, to home, to dinner, to snuggles with a semi-sick kid, to bedtime to this... I'm wiped and food was whatever what was in front of me.  Thanks to my hubby today because he made sure I was well-nourished to do anything and everything I wanted to do.

I shoved into my belly:
Breakfast:  A DELICIOUS omlette of mushrooms, peppers, and spinach with a side of avocado.  Also, a bowl of sliced bananas, raspberries, and shredded unsweetened coconut.  Yummmmm!
Lunch:  I SNARFED some leftover chicken veggie soup and some carrots.
Snack:  Grapefruit.  Still yum.
Dinner:  Leftover pork carnitas on greens with peppers, avocado, carrots, beets, and some salsa "dressing."  Finished with some raspberries for "something sweet."

MUUUUUUUHN-day...

So, I'm gonna' start with a totally un-paleo approach to today and say... I AM SO FREAKING TIRED OF BEING WOKEN UP BY MY 3-YEAR-OLD TELLING ME SHE PEED HER BED.  Seriously... we have washed her sheets more in the last two weeks than I have washed my own sheets in the last year.  I'm annoyed.  I have NO IDEA what to do.  We've limited liquids, her bathroom is lit up like the Luxor in Vegas, and her route to the pot has never been more explicit.  She has even peed THROUGH her pull-up which we have resorted to on more than one occasion. I'm annoyed, and completely unclear on what the h-e-double hockey stick to do.  ARGH.  I guess I should be grateful because at least it wasn't her waking me up squishing her hands together telling me she needed to wash her hands... and being SLAMMED in the face with the smell of Baby Vick's Vapo-Rub.  At 2:00 in the morning, my daughter woke me up to inform me that she wasn't tired, so she rubbed herself down in Vicks Vapo Rub.  WHAAAAAAT????  God bless that child, but I sometimes wanna' just shove her in a closet and forget she was there.  She would probably be perfectly happy there and we'd just hear a little peep every now and then asking for an iPad or a snack or something.  Weirdo.

Today was so very much a Monday.  I'm tired, I wanted nothing but junk food, and I didn't have time to work out because of a quick after-school meeting that I didn't know I should be at.  But tomorrow I start coaching volleyball!  HA!  A whole bunch of fifth grade kiddos running around attempting to bump and set balls.  What am I getting myself into?  Ah well... Monday is soon behind me and I'm heading into Tuesday with "hopefully" a whole new attitude.  OH!  I almost forgot... I started today with a dance party dedicated to one of my co-teachers that left me the year before last.  We often found ourselves needing a quick pre-school-day dance party to change our outlook... so here is today's dance party. Hopefully it'll help you feel a little better.  :)

I filled my belly with:

Breakfast:  Leftover sweet potato hash and two eggs, sliced bananas mixed with unsweetened shredded coconut, raspberries, and slivered raw almonds.  (REALLY FILLING and probably a little much... but really needed for getting me out in to the world today... plus, I needed all the fuel I could get my hands on for that kickin' dance party.  Yes... I'm 34.)
Lunch:  Leftover spaghetti squash and ground turkey marinara, baby carrots, and a grapefruit.  (Have I mentioned I am OBSESSED with this citrus?  Sidenote: I have a grapefruit soul sister at school that picked me up a bag from Costco... it was like the sweetest little thoughtful gift and it was a bag of grapefruit... I love her.)
Dinner:  (TALK ABOUT A WEIRD MIX... The hubby was gone at a meeting, so I ate...) Half a leftover chicken thigh, part of an avocado, some applewood smoked bacon, pistachios, and an apple.  Weird?  yes.  Filling?  Yes.  Satisfying... not terribly.

Holla!!!!

Wowzers... here we are... almost exactly one year later and I'm finishing up my next 30-day challenge in Paleo-land.  It's gone pretty well all things considered, and albeit there were a couple pumpkin muffins consumed, it looks like it's going to "end" better than it did last time (in a vat of cinnamon roll ice cream).  Although I am not going to attempt to back-log ALL the meals I've eaten so far on this leg of the journey, I thought I would start here... at the "end" of the 30 days and see how things move forward... so here's to a step forward and perhaps something a little more positive than Tillamook ice cream.  However, I will admit that now that pumpkin season is among us, I am fully intending on some pumpkin froyo on Saturday night (the 31st day).  That being said, let's see where this takes me and how things are progressing from here.  Five days to go and a whole crapload of choices to make day-in and day-out.  Life isn't going to slow down, so let's see what I do with this.  Today I could feel a binge coming on, so I ate a few more fruits than I probably should, and I won't mention the pumpkin muffin batter... but all things considered... could have been WAY worse.  I'll take it.  Happy Fall ya'll!  You'll be hearing from me... AGAIN.

What I put in my belly today...
Breakfast: Sweet Potato "hash" with spinach and all-natural bacon topped with two poached eggs (my hubby bought me an egg poaching pan for my bday... AMAZE-BALLS.)
Snack:  Grapefruit (truly obsessed)
Lunch:  It was kind of a late breakfast, and unfortunately I opted to rock out some of the pumpkin muffin dough I was making "for the girls."
Snack:  Orange
Dinner:  REALLY GOOD chicken and veggie soup (secret: put a can of pumpkin in the soup and it'll thicken it up and make it seriously hearty and delicious-like.)
Dessert:  Grapefruit (I told you I was obsessed.)