So I ate it. It was sweet, cinnamon-y, goodness. I loved every minute of it. HOWEVER, that's not to say that there isn't a part of me that wishes I resisted. I probably should have stopped myself after the honey, but I didn't. So now begins the process of trying to NOT feel guilty and moving forward and starting tomorrow as a new day. There are so many things I'm taking from this process, and one of them is that there are so many decisions to make throughout the day, and food is an important one... but it's not the ONLY one. So many things go on day in and day out, and making smart and healthy choices about food is SUPER important and relevant to me, but I know that I have to be easy on myself and to see how far I've come, and know that the process that led me this far is not going to lead me astray. Paleo is making more aware of eating fresh and clean, but there is also something really important about moderation and maintenance. So today, my goal is give myself a break, enjoy the moment, and then start again tomorrow. Mistakes happen, and it builds character. Just like I preach to my 3rd graders, "I can't get mad at you for making a mistake, because that's what people do. But if you don't start learning from your mistakes, then you're not going to become anything more than you are right now, and we all have growing to do... even me."
Trying to keep paleo 'doable' while doing everything else!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Oops...
So... slips happen. I made it 24 days with no packaged foods whatsoever. Seriously... like the only thing that wasn't "fresh" was like some salsa I bought from New Seasons. I made it nearly four weeks eating no bread, no cheese, no grains of any kind, no sugars, no nothing. Shit, I even stopped drinking coffee (and had the headache to prove it for three days). I have been drinking decaffeinated herbals teas and ice water. I have been eating fresh meats and veggies with fruit and nuts for four weeks. Tonight... I had ice cream. Not just a little bit of vanilla or anything, but a motherload of sugar and processed ingredients. Right now is when I would like to say a bit about guilt. I have always been an inherently guilty person. Not that I've always done things wrong, but I am incessantly apologizing for everything, even if I don't know why I'm apologizing. I have no idea why, it's not like I got a lot of guilt trips as a child or anything... I just always feel responsible for things, and when it's not perfect, or things don't work perfectly, I freak and feel responsible, and then apologize, over and over. Then I just feel bad about it. Sheesh. I don't know... so tonight I had my paleo soup that I prepared this morning... then had a hankering for something more, so I had an apple... and then began the tailspin. You know, those f'ers who claim that eating paleo just "does away" with their sugar cravings all together are INSANE. I agree that it makes you taste food differently, and things that weren't particularly sweet before now taste more sweet... but I still want cake, I still want candy, and I definitely still want ice cream. I even buckled and had some raw honey with a couple scoops of almond butter. Nope, that wasn't gonna' cut it either. Then out came this bit of magic from the freezer. It was like I was possessed. I could hear myself saying to put the damn container back, but it came out, I opened it, and then proceeded to MOW it. I know I have "triggers," and I know that's something I consistently need to work on, but I also know there are just some stressful times in life, and finding comfort in food is something that I've done my whole life, and that habit is hard to break. It tasted delicious, and THAT was what I wanted. Not nuts or fruit. I wanted some g.d. ice cream.
So I ate it. It was sweet, cinnamon-y, goodness. I loved every minute of it. HOWEVER, that's not to say that there isn't a part of me that wishes I resisted. I probably should have stopped myself after the honey, but I didn't. So now begins the process of trying to NOT feel guilty and moving forward and starting tomorrow as a new day. There are so many things I'm taking from this process, and one of them is that there are so many decisions to make throughout the day, and food is an important one... but it's not the ONLY one. So many things go on day in and day out, and making smart and healthy choices about food is SUPER important and relevant to me, but I know that I have to be easy on myself and to see how far I've come, and know that the process that led me this far is not going to lead me astray. Paleo is making more aware of eating fresh and clean, but there is also something really important about moderation and maintenance. So today, my goal is give myself a break, enjoy the moment, and then start again tomorrow. Mistakes happen, and it builds character. Just like I preach to my 3rd graders, "I can't get mad at you for making a mistake, because that's what people do. But if you don't start learning from your mistakes, then you're not going to become anything more than you are right now, and we all have growing to do... even me."
So I ate it. It was sweet, cinnamon-y, goodness. I loved every minute of it. HOWEVER, that's not to say that there isn't a part of me that wishes I resisted. I probably should have stopped myself after the honey, but I didn't. So now begins the process of trying to NOT feel guilty and moving forward and starting tomorrow as a new day. There are so many things I'm taking from this process, and one of them is that there are so many decisions to make throughout the day, and food is an important one... but it's not the ONLY one. So many things go on day in and day out, and making smart and healthy choices about food is SUPER important and relevant to me, but I know that I have to be easy on myself and to see how far I've come, and know that the process that led me this far is not going to lead me astray. Paleo is making more aware of eating fresh and clean, but there is also something really important about moderation and maintenance. So today, my goal is give myself a break, enjoy the moment, and then start again tomorrow. Mistakes happen, and it builds character. Just like I preach to my 3rd graders, "I can't get mad at you for making a mistake, because that's what people do. But if you don't start learning from your mistakes, then you're not going to become anything more than you are right now, and we all have growing to do... even me."
Monday, October 15, 2012
Mondays...
Poor Monday... everybody just hates it. Especially teachers. Actually, I don't know if it's ESPECIALLY teachers, or it just feels like that since that's what I know. I really truly do TRY to get myself into a "place" when I get to school, because if I'm not thinking it's gonna' be a good day, and if I'm scattered or out of sorts, the kids know it... and they POUNCE. They feed off my anxiety and then they're TERRIBLE! To be honest they weren't "terrible" today, they just are the loudest bunch of 3rd graders in the world. Again, it's POSSIBLE I'm being a bit narrow-minded since this is all I know. However, I'm willing to bet that they would be right up there with just about any little 3rd grade crew.
I'm really going to spiral in to a poor little "woe is me" diatribe here, so if that sickens you, look away... avert your eyes. I promise it won't last long. I love my job, but you know how when being a grown-up just kinda' sneaks up on you and it generally just sucks ass? I mean, I know EVERYBODY has to do it, and I know that everyone is totally dealing with their own shit all the time. But do you ever just get so tired of "dealing?" It literally goes from one second to another where there's a separate and completely important issue that needs to be resolved. Like the SECOND you pay a bill (that you realize is two weeks late), you get the reminder that you have another bill that needs to get paid? Then, shortly after, you realize you had an appointment that you missed, and then you forgot to get together the bank statements for last month to get for the refinance guy, then you also forgot that you had to make sub plans for the next day, and OH SHIT, I gotta' make the copies for the math test while I'm gone, and then CRAP, what am I gonna' make for dinner? Oh, and somewhere in there I'm supposed to work out, drive to get the girls, make dinner, get them fed (and not have Lucy freak the hell out), at least WASH MY FACE since I sweat like a man on the treadmill, and then clean the kitchen (then realize we're out of dish soap for the dishwasher), then at least hug my daughter before getting her to bed. Now, though... now is the moment when the breathing regulates, the heart returns to a natural rhythm, and things begin to set themselves right with the world. I get to sit on the couch with my Anna while she colors on my ipad and I get to debrief my day. For whatever reason I've just been in a foul mood. You know how sometimes things just don't work out the way you kinda' had them set up in your head? I'm terrible about that. I totally have expectations in my head, that I am not even completely aware of. Then, I get disappointed. Or... I don't know if disappointed is right, but I just get surprised... and not like a 'SURPRISE... IT'S AN AWESOME PARTY IN YOUR HONOR BECAUSE YOU'RE AMAZING' kind of surprise. This is more like a "SURPRISE... SOMEONE BACKED IN TO YOUR CAR IN THE PARKING LOT AND DIDN'T LEAVE A NOTE" kind of surprise. Sometimes that "vision" you have of your life just doesn't pan out, or happen the way you think it will. Whether it's money, relationships, living arrangements, your house, having kids or not having kids, your pets, your car, your body!, your job, hell... even your outfit... it's never easy to readjust. I'm not saying I won't, or that it can't happen, but sometimes it's just so hard to keep readjusting. There are so many things that DO work out right, and I would love to ascribe to that cliche saying of "there's a reason for everything" even though we may not know it. I guess that's easy enough to see in my own life. Shit, I met my husband online! I should have known then that would keep me on my toes. Further, when we got pregnant with our first little lady, Anna... I couldn't have been more surprised... and geez... what an AWESOME adjustment that's been. This girl is literally the light of my world. She brings me so insane amounts of joy I cry just thinking about it. That's not to say there are times that I literally want to WRING HER NECK... but the benefits of being the Mother of such an amazing little girl makes me feel like there are so many things that are RIGHT in this world. Like, even amidst all the SHIT I'm having to adjust to, and handle, that things really are fundamentally good. And as long as I can keep her safe, and keep her on the path she's already headed down, my job in this life is fairly simple. Don't get me wrong, it TERRIFIES me to think of her out in this world without me to watch out for her and to keep her safe at every turn... but I really hope that I will be a Mom that will be able to "let go" when it's time for her to figure it out for herself. But I tell you what... I am going to try to shelter this amazing little creature for as long as I can. Lucy, on the other hand, I'll feed her to the wolves at the first chance I get. KIDDING!!! She's just a creature of a COMPLETELY different character than Ms. Anna. Anyway... on with things. Much like it always does... I sit here and immediately feel better taking time to actually take a look at the incredible things that are going on in my life. Not only am I adjusting, but god dammit, I'm doing it while I'm still working on improving who I am... not just making sure everyone else's life needs are being met. Because you know what? I DID drive to the gym after work (where I totally sweated my balls off), I did get my girls on time, and I came home to make a kick-ass dinner with my ladies. I know that things will be alright. I know that in the craziness of life, I'm just so glad I've found a way to take a step back and get a better look. I get so wrapped up in myself, and my troubles AT THAT MOMENT, that I forget to appreciate all the amazing little miracles that happen every second of the day. God, I sound like a damn Hallmark card or a Sunday Morning cable TV church show. But the truth is, I need this. I need to remember why I do the things I do and why I've made the choices I've made. I need to be reminded what a TOTALLY drastic change I've made in my life. I had an AWESOME dinner last night with a couple that is in a very similar place as us (kids about the same age and not shy about painting life to not be the sunshine and roses that everyone leads you to believe). I was greeted by the husband that said he wouldn't even have recognized me (that's a good start), and went on through the evening having awesome REAL conversation about our kids, about life, about dieting (ugh), and laughing our asses off about it. The wife (an old teaching partner) wanted to like "why" I was doing the Paleo thing... because she was under the impression that I didn't need to lose any more weight! God bless her! HOWEVER... she was asking legitimately because she's truly interested. I know she's not blowing sunshine up my ass... EVER. This girl is pretty damn awesome. Anyhooo... it's funny because I told her that I still deal with the same insecurities I've dealt with my whole life. No amount of weight lost, or sizes dropped will change who I just AM. She even said... "yeah, like ultimately you're the same person you were when you were 5 even when you're 35." She was right... and one thing that people have a hard time really understanding sometimes is that when you drop all this weight, you don't really change that much, and if anything it amplifies whatever "issues" landed you at 296 pounds to begin with. I'm still really searching to figure that out. It's a long process and I have a feeling it's going to take me forever to figure it out... but doing the Paleo just makes me more AWARE of what I'm doing. Plus, I love the way it makes me feel to know that all the foods I'm eating are so damn good for you! I mean, I haven't had anything PACKAGED in like 3 weeks. That's CRAZY!!! In the course of a day, I couldn't even tell you how many packages of crap I would open. That's the thing though... it's not for everybody, and I get that. Some people find great success with packages. I just know that FOR ME I don't feel as good about it. Plus, thinking about my girls, and loving that my daughters know what brussel sprouts are, and will EAT THEM makes me excited to keep introducing new and delicious things into our world. Geez... talk about a serious flow of consciousness. I am a rambler, but deal with it. :) HA! Honestly, it's just been a real crazy few days, and what keeps bringing me back are a few things. I LOVE my kids. Like I PAINFULLY love them... like it HURTS sometimes. I LOVE who I am now. I'm just so much more aware of myself... and I advocate for myself. I still feel guilty sometimes, and I still feel like I'm being selfish at times... but that's part of the process. I need to be an advocate for ME before I can advocate for anybody else. Feeling like I'm in control of food, and eating makes me feel good. Paleo has enabled me to see food differently and to taste food differently. I really do think that knowing how much the food is NOURISHING my body makes it actually taste better. Talk about a mind 'f', right?
OH! Hell, in the midst of all of this, I almost forgot my weigh-in at the gym before I sweated like a beast on the freaking treadmill (who knew walking at a 12.0 incline would make you sweat more than jogging at 1.0... HA!!!). I weighed in and I came in at 172.4. I lost a pound. I know... it's a loss. Plus, I really do think I'm SEEING changes in my body that I am excited about. I don't know... this whole thing plays such games with your perception that I'll just keep goin' by feel. We'll see what next week brings. I'm almost done! Can you believe it's day 22? Only 8 days left in the 30 day challenge. So far so good. I haven't lost half my body weight or anything... but I've done it! I haven't cheated ONCE! Tonight was a GREAT example of how much things have changed... Here is what I made for din-din... I would have NEVER done this before, and it was AWESOME and seriously satisfying.
Start with a SHITLOAD of mushrooms sliced thin (through the food processor connector thingy) and some onions and garlic. Sautee for a while until it cooks down. Add about .5 pound ground beef... brown with the mushrooms and onions and garlic. When that's browned, add another buttload of shredded brussel sprouts and cook those down. At this point, all this is coming together in a seriously UGLY brown and cabbage-y looking mess (but I must admit... I love brown food... it's usually VERY tasty). I added some tomato paste, crushed fresh garden tomatoes, and some beef broth. I let that simmer until it reduced a bit. Then I nuked the leftover roasted sweet potatoes from chili night and put those in the food processor with some almond milk and salt and pepper. FINALLY, I finished it with some roasted hazelnuts that I put over the stove in a dry skillet until they smelled like heaven. I put that on top and then ate my face off. It was kind of like a take on shepherd's pie, only I have to say I think it was better. It was seriously good. Now I'm finishing my evening with some pumpkin spice tea sitting next to my Anna on the sofa letting her stay up late so I can just sit here with her. I'm taking the day off work tomorrow so I can be the preschool shuttle while Grammy and Papa are out of town and I could NOT bet happier. Happy Tuesday... adios Monday.
My belly was filled with:
Breakfast: Scrambled egg (one whole egg, two whites) and a small honeycrisp apple with almond butter.
Lunch: Leftover chili and half a sweet potato and carrots. Oh, and our cafeteria has a new initiative (thanks Michelle Obama... I don't care what political "stance" you take, this lady is getting our kids to try new fruits and veggies, and that's pretty freaking awesome) that they have at least one fresh fruit and veggie option every day. Today they had an AWESOME fruit salad with pineapple, watermelon, cantaloupe, kiwi, grapes, and they even put jicama in there! FREAKING FANTASTIC!
Dinner: Sweet Potato "Shepherds Pie" and pumpkin spice tea. oh, and I think I had a handful of blueberries when I was done cleaning the kitchen (after I figured out we were out of dish soap).
I'm really going to spiral in to a poor little "woe is me" diatribe here, so if that sickens you, look away... avert your eyes. I promise it won't last long. I love my job, but you know how when being a grown-up just kinda' sneaks up on you and it generally just sucks ass? I mean, I know EVERYBODY has to do it, and I know that everyone is totally dealing with their own shit all the time. But do you ever just get so tired of "dealing?" It literally goes from one second to another where there's a separate and completely important issue that needs to be resolved. Like the SECOND you pay a bill (that you realize is two weeks late), you get the reminder that you have another bill that needs to get paid? Then, shortly after, you realize you had an appointment that you missed, and then you forgot to get together the bank statements for last month to get for the refinance guy, then you also forgot that you had to make sub plans for the next day, and OH SHIT, I gotta' make the copies for the math test while I'm gone, and then CRAP, what am I gonna' make for dinner? Oh, and somewhere in there I'm supposed to work out, drive to get the girls, make dinner, get them fed (and not have Lucy freak the hell out), at least WASH MY FACE since I sweat like a man on the treadmill, and then clean the kitchen (then realize we're out of dish soap for the dishwasher), then at least hug my daughter before getting her to bed. Now, though... now is the moment when the breathing regulates, the heart returns to a natural rhythm, and things begin to set themselves right with the world. I get to sit on the couch with my Anna while she colors on my ipad and I get to debrief my day. For whatever reason I've just been in a foul mood. You know how sometimes things just don't work out the way you kinda' had them set up in your head? I'm terrible about that. I totally have expectations in my head, that I am not even completely aware of. Then, I get disappointed. Or... I don't know if disappointed is right, but I just get surprised... and not like a 'SURPRISE... IT'S AN AWESOME PARTY IN YOUR HONOR BECAUSE YOU'RE AMAZING' kind of surprise. This is more like a "SURPRISE... SOMEONE BACKED IN TO YOUR CAR IN THE PARKING LOT AND DIDN'T LEAVE A NOTE" kind of surprise. Sometimes that "vision" you have of your life just doesn't pan out, or happen the way you think it will. Whether it's money, relationships, living arrangements, your house, having kids or not having kids, your pets, your car, your body!, your job, hell... even your outfit... it's never easy to readjust. I'm not saying I won't, or that it can't happen, but sometimes it's just so hard to keep readjusting. There are so many things that DO work out right, and I would love to ascribe to that cliche saying of "there's a reason for everything" even though we may not know it. I guess that's easy enough to see in my own life. Shit, I met my husband online! I should have known then that would keep me on my toes. Further, when we got pregnant with our first little lady, Anna... I couldn't have been more surprised... and geez... what an AWESOME adjustment that's been. This girl is literally the light of my world. She brings me so insane amounts of joy I cry just thinking about it. That's not to say there are times that I literally want to WRING HER NECK... but the benefits of being the Mother of such an amazing little girl makes me feel like there are so many things that are RIGHT in this world. Like, even amidst all the SHIT I'm having to adjust to, and handle, that things really are fundamentally good. And as long as I can keep her safe, and keep her on the path she's already headed down, my job in this life is fairly simple. Don't get me wrong, it TERRIFIES me to think of her out in this world without me to watch out for her and to keep her safe at every turn... but I really hope that I will be a Mom that will be able to "let go" when it's time for her to figure it out for herself. But I tell you what... I am going to try to shelter this amazing little creature for as long as I can. Lucy, on the other hand, I'll feed her to the wolves at the first chance I get. KIDDING!!! She's just a creature of a COMPLETELY different character than Ms. Anna. Anyway... on with things. Much like it always does... I sit here and immediately feel better taking time to actually take a look at the incredible things that are going on in my life. Not only am I adjusting, but god dammit, I'm doing it while I'm still working on improving who I am... not just making sure everyone else's life needs are being met. Because you know what? I DID drive to the gym after work (where I totally sweated my balls off), I did get my girls on time, and I came home to make a kick-ass dinner with my ladies. I know that things will be alright. I know that in the craziness of life, I'm just so glad I've found a way to take a step back and get a better look. I get so wrapped up in myself, and my troubles AT THAT MOMENT, that I forget to appreciate all the amazing little miracles that happen every second of the day. God, I sound like a damn Hallmark card or a Sunday Morning cable TV church show. But the truth is, I need this. I need to remember why I do the things I do and why I've made the choices I've made. I need to be reminded what a TOTALLY drastic change I've made in my life. I had an AWESOME dinner last night with a couple that is in a very similar place as us (kids about the same age and not shy about painting life to not be the sunshine and roses that everyone leads you to believe). I was greeted by the husband that said he wouldn't even have recognized me (that's a good start), and went on through the evening having awesome REAL conversation about our kids, about life, about dieting (ugh), and laughing our asses off about it. The wife (an old teaching partner) wanted to like "why" I was doing the Paleo thing... because she was under the impression that I didn't need to lose any more weight! God bless her! HOWEVER... she was asking legitimately because she's truly interested. I know she's not blowing sunshine up my ass... EVER. This girl is pretty damn awesome. Anyhooo... it's funny because I told her that I still deal with the same insecurities I've dealt with my whole life. No amount of weight lost, or sizes dropped will change who I just AM. She even said... "yeah, like ultimately you're the same person you were when you were 5 even when you're 35." She was right... and one thing that people have a hard time really understanding sometimes is that when you drop all this weight, you don't really change that much, and if anything it amplifies whatever "issues" landed you at 296 pounds to begin with. I'm still really searching to figure that out. It's a long process and I have a feeling it's going to take me forever to figure it out... but doing the Paleo just makes me more AWARE of what I'm doing. Plus, I love the way it makes me feel to know that all the foods I'm eating are so damn good for you! I mean, I haven't had anything PACKAGED in like 3 weeks. That's CRAZY!!! In the course of a day, I couldn't even tell you how many packages of crap I would open. That's the thing though... it's not for everybody, and I get that. Some people find great success with packages. I just know that FOR ME I don't feel as good about it. Plus, thinking about my girls, and loving that my daughters know what brussel sprouts are, and will EAT THEM makes me excited to keep introducing new and delicious things into our world. Geez... talk about a serious flow of consciousness. I am a rambler, but deal with it. :) HA! Honestly, it's just been a real crazy few days, and what keeps bringing me back are a few things. I LOVE my kids. Like I PAINFULLY love them... like it HURTS sometimes. I LOVE who I am now. I'm just so much more aware of myself... and I advocate for myself. I still feel guilty sometimes, and I still feel like I'm being selfish at times... but that's part of the process. I need to be an advocate for ME before I can advocate for anybody else. Feeling like I'm in control of food, and eating makes me feel good. Paleo has enabled me to see food differently and to taste food differently. I really do think that knowing how much the food is NOURISHING my body makes it actually taste better. Talk about a mind 'f', right?
OH! Hell, in the midst of all of this, I almost forgot my weigh-in at the gym before I sweated like a beast on the freaking treadmill (who knew walking at a 12.0 incline would make you sweat more than jogging at 1.0... HA!!!). I weighed in and I came in at 172.4. I lost a pound. I know... it's a loss. Plus, I really do think I'm SEEING changes in my body that I am excited about. I don't know... this whole thing plays such games with your perception that I'll just keep goin' by feel. We'll see what next week brings. I'm almost done! Can you believe it's day 22? Only 8 days left in the 30 day challenge. So far so good. I haven't lost half my body weight or anything... but I've done it! I haven't cheated ONCE! Tonight was a GREAT example of how much things have changed... Here is what I made for din-din... I would have NEVER done this before, and it was AWESOME and seriously satisfying.
Start with a SHITLOAD of mushrooms sliced thin (through the food processor connector thingy) and some onions and garlic. Sautee for a while until it cooks down. Add about .5 pound ground beef... brown with the mushrooms and onions and garlic. When that's browned, add another buttload of shredded brussel sprouts and cook those down. At this point, all this is coming together in a seriously UGLY brown and cabbage-y looking mess (but I must admit... I love brown food... it's usually VERY tasty). I added some tomato paste, crushed fresh garden tomatoes, and some beef broth. I let that simmer until it reduced a bit. Then I nuked the leftover roasted sweet potatoes from chili night and put those in the food processor with some almond milk and salt and pepper. FINALLY, I finished it with some roasted hazelnuts that I put over the stove in a dry skillet until they smelled like heaven. I put that on top and then ate my face off. It was kind of like a take on shepherd's pie, only I have to say I think it was better. It was seriously good. Now I'm finishing my evening with some pumpkin spice tea sitting next to my Anna on the sofa letting her stay up late so I can just sit here with her. I'm taking the day off work tomorrow so I can be the preschool shuttle while Grammy and Papa are out of town and I could NOT bet happier. Happy Tuesday... adios Monday.
My belly was filled with:
Breakfast: Scrambled egg (one whole egg, two whites) and a small honeycrisp apple with almond butter.
Lunch: Leftover chili and half a sweet potato and carrots. Oh, and our cafeteria has a new initiative (thanks Michelle Obama... I don't care what political "stance" you take, this lady is getting our kids to try new fruits and veggies, and that's pretty freaking awesome) that they have at least one fresh fruit and veggie option every day. Today they had an AWESOME fruit salad with pineapple, watermelon, cantaloupe, kiwi, grapes, and they even put jicama in there! FREAKING FANTASTIC!
Dinner: Sweet Potato "Shepherds Pie" and pumpkin spice tea. oh, and I think I had a handful of blueberries when I was done cleaning the kitchen (after I figured out we were out of dish soap).
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Chili day...
Today was a very "fall" day. I have made it to nearly a full 3 weeks fully paleo. Tonight I broke down and had some sweet potato with my chili. I thought about taking a picture of it too late, but it was FANTASTIC. I just roasted a sweet potato, cut it in half, put it in the bowl with some sea salt on it, then put the chili next to it. This wasn't just any ol' chili... it was applewood smoked nitrate free bacon (like 4 pieces I think), crumbled, a pound of ground pork, and a pound of ground beef. Then... the part that just breaks my heart, is that I used up almost the end of our crop of tomatoes to make my own crushed tomatoes. I put about 6-7 decent sized tomatoes in the food processor and let 'er rip. I also added a can of fire roasted tomatoes with green chiles, and a can of tomato paste. I went a little crazy at Trader Joe's today. I seriously love that store. Also, I food processed three bell peppers, a red onion, and a small head of garlic. I added all the requisite spices and voila... "paleo" chili. Soups are by far one of the easiest things to keep paleo. I think fall is going to be paleo-tastic.
I went to the gym today and I'm really glad I did. Today was a day that I needed to "run it out." The best part? A guy walked in with a Kansas Jayhawk T-shirt and we got to talk while I was walking on the treadmill after my run. Everything really does happen for a reason. In the midst of the gray, drizzly day, I love to be able to connect to someone just because of geographic similarities. A little taste of "home" today was welcomed. I know that Kansas doesn't exactly seem like a "brag-able" birthplace, and if you're not FROM there, you couldn't possibly understand. But there's something about calling Kansas my HOME that always feels like a big embrace. When I left Kansas to go to college my Aunt Jan gave me a book called, "If You're Not From the Prairie". I still have it and it's one of those books that I still look at from time to time when I get homesick. Kansas is in my heart, and on certain days, I go to that place in my heart to remember who and what I want to be. Even through all this "transformation," there are some things that I feel so proud that I've maintained, and I know that a lot of those things are learned from eighteen years being raised by tremendou people, with tremendous people, and in a tremendous place.
What went in my belly today?
Breakfast: leftover vegetable and beef soup strained with fried eggs on top (sounds kinda' gross when I typed it up, but it was really good.)
Lunch: (after the gym I wasn't super hungry) I had a banana with almond butter and some carrots
Snack: raw hazelnuts and a little tiny honeycrisp apple
Dinner: Delicious chili and baked sweet potato
I went to the gym today and I'm really glad I did. Today was a day that I needed to "run it out." The best part? A guy walked in with a Kansas Jayhawk T-shirt and we got to talk while I was walking on the treadmill after my run. Everything really does happen for a reason. In the midst of the gray, drizzly day, I love to be able to connect to someone just because of geographic similarities. A little taste of "home" today was welcomed. I know that Kansas doesn't exactly seem like a "brag-able" birthplace, and if you're not FROM there, you couldn't possibly understand. But there's something about calling Kansas my HOME that always feels like a big embrace. When I left Kansas to go to college my Aunt Jan gave me a book called, "If You're Not From the Prairie". I still have it and it's one of those books that I still look at from time to time when I get homesick. Kansas is in my heart, and on certain days, I go to that place in my heart to remember who and what I want to be. Even through all this "transformation," there are some things that I feel so proud that I've maintained, and I know that a lot of those things are learned from eighteen years being raised by tremendou people, with tremendous people, and in a tremendous place.
Breakfast: leftover vegetable and beef soup strained with fried eggs on top (sounds kinda' gross when I typed it up, but it was really good.)
Lunch: (after the gym I wasn't super hungry) I had a banana with almond butter and some carrots
Snack: raw hazelnuts and a little tiny honeycrisp apple
Dinner: Delicious chili and baked sweet potato
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Names can be deceiving...
Okay, so today started with a sore throat and a general state of grumpy. It finished with an extraordinary afternoon and evening with the hubs. I am officially on day 19 of my 30-day "challenge." Our family has not gone out ONE TIME in the last 19 days because I am too afraid that things won't be cooked appropriately, or they'll sneak something in that I didn't expect. I really just want to stay true to the 30 days without any added sugars, grains, or dairy. For whatever reason, I'm totally committed to following through this 30 day gig. I haven't had any beer, liquor, or caffeine even for the last 19 days. I am one clean mo-fo. I don't know that I'd say that I have super-human strength or boundless and limitless energy, but I do think I just have a generic feeling of "better." I have noticed that my energy is more, I feel like I have more motivation to DO things. Further, I had some CRAZY break-outs on my chin (like I was freaking 14 all over again) for like a month. Since starting to eat "clean" I have noticed a great improvement and in the last couple days it has almost all cleared up (FINALLY!!!). I was seriously this close to opening up the vault of the early 90's and finding my Clearasil and Noxema wipes. WHAT THE HELL??? Anyway, it's getting better now. Thank goodness, because having acne at 33 just wasn't an option. So I want to stay paleo, but also wanted to take a night off of cooking. Even though I really do love to cook, I also LOVE to go out to dinner. I love restaurants and I love picking things off a menu. I blame my Mother because I have been raised VERY well and really enjoy finding wonderful places that treat you well and give you delicious food to eat. Tonight I found all of the above AND stayed paleo. This place was FANTASTIC. To boot, I got to go with just the hubby. I didn't have worry for ONE SECOND about keeping anybody busy with crap to do. I got to just SIT and enjoy my dinner. I came home from school, the hubs and I went to a movie, then went to dinner at "Dick's Kitchen." A friend at school told me about this place who recommended it after going there and knowing my "limitations" on my diet right now. Seriously... but "Dick's Kitchen"? It seems like kind of an unfortunate name. I feel like I'm going to some adult sketchy place, but NOT ANYMORE! I want to go here all the time because everything is totally fresh, local, and freaking fantastic. After the movie we went to, we bolted to Dick's Kitchen on Belmont and strolled in to find a lovely little dining room. It's almost like a diner feel, but a little more classy. There were some definitely "cool kids" there, but I didn't feel at all out of place. The staff was young and beautiful, as was a lot of the patrons. It was lit well (like the RIGHT lighting... not like it was really bright. For some reason I'm seemingly sensitive to the correct lighting. For example, I don't do all the lights in my classroom very much because the fluorescent lights freak me out if they're just ON all day.), and the tables were close, but not too close. It was a cozy little place, not overly decorated or anything, and cute blackboards that state the incredible homemade specials the revolve even as you're sitting there eating! This place touts all grass-fed meats and locally butchered proteins. It's seriously an awesome little place. Anyway, they told us that the "guest burger" was a wild boar burger and that the sides for the evening were herb roasted cauliflower and a kale/fennel warm salad. SWEET JESUS, I'M HOME. I ordered the Thai Burger bowl (on the menu it's advertised as the paleo option... seriously... home). I also got a side of the roasted cauliflower and tried the oven baked yam fries. Now, yams are borderline for hardcore paleo, but I got a small order and shared it with the hubs (who got the sausage sampler plate... with water buffalo sausage and a kielbasa. whoa.). We also got a homemade chipotle aioli for dippin'. My burger bowl was basically a fresh green salad with broccoli, carrots, tomatoes, and a burger patty. It was topped with this crazy-good, kinda' spicy Thai sauce that was AWESOME. I left there a seriously happy girl. I got to spend an entire afternoon with just my husband, watch a movie... A GROWN-UP MOVIE IN A THEATER WITH OTHER GROWN-UPS, then got to go to a new restaurant that caters to my current paleo fixation. Not only that, but they do it was quality, fresh, delicious fare. I am officially on a "kick." As my hubby will tell you... when I get on a kick, I want whatever it is I want at that moment, pretty much every day until I get sick of it, and then I don't want anything to do with it anymore. I'm on a Dick's Kitchen Kick, and I don't see it fizzling for quite some time. Next time, I'm totally trying something different... wild boar anyone?
What went in my belly today? (thinking back... today was a GREAT day of eating...)
Breakfast: two fried eggs with bacon from the market last weekend. I also had my banana, almond butter, walnut, and blueberry goodness. (SO GOOD I tried to tell people in the staff room about it two times.)
Lunch: Leftover hamburger patty with roasted squash, brussel sprouts, and some carrot apple sauce I made last night for the young ladies.
Dinner: DICK'S KITCHEN!!!!!! See above... before and after.
Breakfast: two fried eggs with bacon from the market last weekend. I also had my banana, almond butter, walnut, and blueberry goodness. (SO GOOD I tried to tell people in the staff room about it two times.)
Lunch: Leftover hamburger patty with roasted squash, brussel sprouts, and some carrot apple sauce I made last night for the young ladies.
Dinner: DICK'S KITCHEN!!!!!! See above... before and after.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Fightin' through the "bleh..."
I am the WORST person in the world to not get sleep. From a very early age, I was TERRIBLE when I didn't get enough sleep. Even on the phone with my own Mama today, she said... "Oh, and you're not good without sleep." She should know!!! The last couple weeks I have been woken up either by my kids (which seems "normal") or my husband because he's been kinda' sick and he has been sleeping LOUD. I adore my hubby, but he's a loud sleeper to begin with and then with a stuffy nose... oh boy. It's kinda' like there are a herd of congested elk tromping through our bedroom.... except they never tromp THROUGH... they just stay there, not moving, making noise. The kicker, though... two nights ago, at about 3:54 A.M. (I know this exact time because I remember waking up, looking at the clock, and then thinking, "WHAT THE F???") Anna came in and woke me up by tapping me on the cheek and telling me she had a splinter and she couldn't sleep. Yes, my four year old came in and informed me that she had a splinter that was keeping her awake. So... we did surgery at 4 A.M. and she went blissfully back to sleep while I TRIED to go back to sleep, but then just thinking, "I have to wake up in 2 hours, I have to wake up in an hour and a half, I have to wake up in an hour" etc. etc. There are some days that I just have no idea how to approach my own life. Like, is this really happening? I find myself thinking that A LOT. Like, "No Anna, you can't step on your sister's head," or "Don't put that dried slug in your mouth!" or "You have to have pants on before we can leave." Those are pretty tame, but you get the picture. I am in a mild state of sleep deprivation. It's not TERRIBLE, but it's bad enough that I'm grumpy, I'm blowing things out of proportion, and I'm generally just "bleh." I was hoping that paleo would be some magic cure for even that, but I don't think any amount of leafy greens or fresh vegetables are gonna' make up for the fact that I just need sleep. Even paleo can't tame this beast. Plus, today was the first day that I just was so tired and "eh" that this paleo gig hasn't seemed to golden. I didn't want to necessarily "cheat," but I wanted a muffin or something. HA! THEN... I take a stroll down memory lane (i.e. my photo files) and I'm reminded where I came from, and where I want to be. Even better than that, I'm super excited about exactly where I am, not just where I want to be "eventually." Okay, this paleo mama needs to get some Z's... in the meantime, check this out... six years in a row of almost the exact same date. WHOA. Look at my face!!!
Yeah, I'm doing just fine. HOLY SMOKES... Sometimes I forget where I was, and even where I am. I don't think I see it sometimes. For whatever reason it's easier to "see" in pictures than from memory. I'm not even sure I see myself at the size I am now. I'm SHOCKED sometimes when I see a size 8 on a tag. THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE!!! not when I was rockin' a 24 at one point. HOLY HELL.
Here's what went in my belly today!
Breakfast: two eggs with two slices of bacon with an apple
Lunch: TACO SALAD AGAIN!!! with carrots and another apple
Dinner: AWESOME pork chop with roasted zucchini and butternut squash
Here's what went in my belly today!
Breakfast: two eggs with two slices of bacon with an apple
Lunch: TACO SALAD AGAIN!!! with carrots and another apple
Dinner: AWESOME pork chop with roasted zucchini and butternut squash
Monday, October 8, 2012
What a difference a day makes...
Isn't it funny how all the sudden you can go from thinking you're the most kick-ass person in the world, to just being so flustered and discouraged that you just wanna' throw in the towel? I am letting the scale get to me. Last week I weighed in at 173.0 and today I was 173.4. Damn. I know it's a moment in time and it can swing and shift so quickly... but when you've lived and breathed by that freaking scale for so long, it's so infuriating when you're doing everything "right" and it doesn't budge. You have those creeping thoughts of, "why am I even doing this?" I completely know it's fine, and I also know that next week things could change again, or it might not. I also know that muscle weighs more, blah blah blah... but it's just frustrating. I wanted to badly to see it get under 170. Oh well... Alright... I will get over myself because I still have yesterday's residual "high" from feeling like I was doing so well. Plus, I gotta' share the awesome night I had with my friends. We do a "supper club" the first Sunday of the month with three other couples. These folks have quickly wormed their way into my hearts and I adore all of them for completely different reasons. Anyway, knowing I was doing paleo, and wanting to stay on track, but also wanting to be a crowd-pleaser, we chose tacos. It has seriously been an "indian summer" kind of October because last night it was like 75 degrees and it was sunny and gorgeous. The hubs set up our big old table (that he built, by the way) outside and we set it all up for us to sit outside and eat. In my world, there is absolutely NOTHING better than spending a laughter-filled evening with truly fantastically wonderful people. I feel so blessed to have my kiddos grow up surrounded by all these fantastic adults that truly love them and cherish them for themselves. Even as I'm writing this, I'm getting over myself and realizing that this process is just so much more than getting on the scale and seeing a lower number. I successfully made my way through this dinner party staying on track and making good choices. Not because I HAD to, but because I really wanted to. I am so committed to this 30 day challenge because I really do think that it's "re-setting" some of my bad habits. Nights like last night were always when I would "allow" myself or give myself permission to let it all go and have whatever I wanted. When I make that choice, I don't just let myself have a little of this or that... I completely go off the wagon and then steam-roll my way right over it. I'm like a rabid dog putting anything and everything I can get my hands on in my face because it's like the last time I will ever eat these things, right? I'll NEVER let myself do this again. Jeez... I'm a mess. But anyway, last night was different. No chips and salsa for me, no tortillas, no cheese, no sour cream, and no dessert (the one I made for everyone else). The evening is about the food, and I know that... but most importantly it's about the company and taking it all in. Instead of thinking about what else I could shove in my face, I was really paying attention to the conversation, and the people around me. I feel like I genuinely NOTICED more than I have in the past. I made a point to do things ahead of time so I wasn't really cooking stuff and spending time in the kitchen. I did a good job planning and had an awesome assistant. The hubs really was/is a master partner for me. He just pulled right in behind me cleaning up the thing I was using and got the house picked up while I was working on food. Anyway, in the midst of a time in everyone's life that is just generally hectic and just not so easy for some... taking some time to just "be" and genuinely enjoy other's company is magical. Feeling and hearing the laughter that comes from the table when we're together is the best medicine someone could ask for. When I'm sitting there, I truly think that I am surrounded by some of the most witty, caring, and fantastic people in the world, and they're sitting at the table with me. Thank goodness that the choices I've made in this life have led me here... scale challenges and all. In the grand scheme of life and all the things that come and go, this is why I wanted to be a grown up...
Here is what we served at the dinner:
-Beer and Sangria
-Chips with bean dip and salsa
-Hard and soft tortillas with shredded chicken and ground beef
-Taco fixins (cheese, tomatoes, cilantro, lettuce, etc.)
-Black bean and corn salad with green chiles
-Pinto beans
-Sour cream, salsa, and avocado
-Apple enchiladas with warm caramel apple topping and vanilla ice cream
Here is how I made it paleo:
-NO CHIPS (this is a huge victory if you hadn't noticed... I've mentioned it a couple times... those suckers are like CRACK to me)
-Big ol' bed of lettuce with shredded chicken and ground beef with tomatoes, avocado dressing (the kind I made before), and salsa.
-For dessert I took some of the warm apples and put cinnamon and almonds on top and then some almond butter and re-warmed it so the almond butter got like a "gravy" for the apples. Not too shabby, really.
As for today... we had a SHITLOAD of taco leftovers and since I actually really love tacos, I was good with it...so this is what I put in my belly:
Breakfast: leftover beets with two fried eggs and two pieces of bacon from the market
Lunch: Same taco salad.
Dinner: Same taco salad.
Dessert: Mango with almonds
-Beer and Sangria
-Chips with bean dip and salsa
-Hard and soft tortillas with shredded chicken and ground beef
-Taco fixins (cheese, tomatoes, cilantro, lettuce, etc.)
-Black bean and corn salad with green chiles
-Pinto beans
-Sour cream, salsa, and avocado
-Apple enchiladas with warm caramel apple topping and vanilla ice cream
Here is how I made it paleo:
-NO CHIPS (this is a huge victory if you hadn't noticed... I've mentioned it a couple times... those suckers are like CRACK to me)
-Big ol' bed of lettuce with shredded chicken and ground beef with tomatoes, avocado dressing (the kind I made before), and salsa.
-For dessert I took some of the warm apples and put cinnamon and almonds on top and then some almond butter and re-warmed it so the almond butter got like a "gravy" for the apples. Not too shabby, really.
As for today... we had a SHITLOAD of taco leftovers and since I actually really love tacos, I was good with it...so this is what I put in my belly:
Breakfast: leftover beets with two fried eggs and two pieces of bacon from the market
Lunch: Same taco salad.
Dinner: Same taco salad.
Dessert: Mango with almonds
Sunday, October 7, 2012
To market, to market...
I am officially in love with my farmer's market. It's small enough to be "cute," but big enough to be completely awesome and you can find just about anything under the sun. The veggies, the fruit, the meat, the cheese!... there's everything. The hubs and I actually started going to this neighborhood/city market before we actually moved to our house that is now in this area. We LOVED the market so much, it probably had something to do with me wanting to move with this area somewhere in my subconscious.
Um, and yes... there was in fact an actual BANJO BAND playing this morning. You can't see it, but there are seriously tubas back there. Pretty freaking awesome.
Still sometimes I am surprised that was me. I don't know exactly how it works, but somewhere along the way I had stopped seeing myself. It's like I had a pause button somewhere that kept me from seeing the progression from being "slightly" overweight (again, in my head), to grossly overweight, and finally plain old obese (which is SUCH a dirty word in my head). But I did. That progression happened and somewhere along the way my brain perception paused, but my body didn't. I still laughed, had a great time, enjoyed my friends, and truly LOVED my life. I had an amazing family, had extraordinary friends, and I was feeling very "complete." I really don't know what happens in that place where reality meets perception. My self-perception was so completely out of whack that it took me weighing in at nearly 300 pounds to really come around to the fact that I outweighed someone off the starting defensive line for a football team. I outweighed my own Dad, I think. I just don't see how it happened. I mean, physically I know it's 'cuz I fed my face with all kinds of shit... but seriously... how in the world did it happen? I didn't have any kind of crazy trauma or anything, I had a fairly fulfilled life, and yet... something, somewhere clicked all kinds of jacked up that led me to be teetering on some scale of "big" I had never dreamt I would be. I mean, nobody thinks about being overweight, right? I think it became so much of who I am that it failed to be a part anymore. HOWEVER... here's what I do remember, and that I was aware of. I could never shop. I always ended up wearing the same sad few outfits that fit, but were suitable enough that I would feel okay about myself in them. Again... Looking back, I'm shocked by it because even those outfits really didn't do much for me (just another sign of how my perception was so flawed). I wish I could say what "clicked" for me, and when, and how. But I really have no idea. I'm kind of one of those people that just makes a decision at some point, and then I stick with it. I made a decision on July 28th of 2009. I'll seriously never forget it because it was AFTER my hubby's bday and AFTER brew-fest (which is a MUST in this family) and I went in to the gym to weigh in for the first time with a trainer. Joe. Joe used to torture me, but he also made me painfully aware of how my body and my weight were encumbering me and that I had some seriously hard work to do. God, I hated him at so many points in that first month, but I made progress. Pretty soon I made more progress and pretty soon after that I was down nearly 50 pounds. I saw myself for real because I wanted so badly to really see the changes that were happening. Granted, things got a bit stalled out because of the pregnancy #2, but geez... thank goodness whatever clicked, clicked.
Now here we are, three plus years later and I am on my second 30-day challenge, and kicking its ass. I went to the market this morning, on the prowl for yellow beets. Seriously... I think I have a problem. I left there with beets, radishes, an onion, some zucchini, some veggie chip things (that were BOMB-DIGGY), some fresh bacon, and two pounds of grass fed ground beef. I LOVE the farmer's market, and I LOVE that I'm someone that uses it for what it's for... buying food that will nourish a healthy body and serve to be an example of that to my own daughters. Bringing home veggie chips for them to try and to have them like it instead of being a supplier of donuts and cookies to make myself feel better about wanting and buying them. I honestly wish I could tell you how profound it is to have these moments of pause where you see how far you've come. I am so GLAD that I get these moments because aside from my family (my husband, and my two incredible daughters), this is the proudest I have felt of something I have accomplished. I am so excited for MYSELF from the inside-out. I get to do anything and everything that I want to do because I can. I get to SHOP anywhere I want because I can (even though it is a BIT cost-prohibitive). I get to really "walk the walk" that I dreamt of doing for my kids... I get to SHOW them that they can do and be absolutely anything in the world they want because I've done it. I wanted to be someone that was excited and energetic, and I am. I wanted to be someone that would play chase and actually catch my kids. I wanted to be someone that would see strength in their body in ways I didn't even think was possible. I wanted to be someone that was content in putting ANYTHING in her closet on because no matter what I wear, HOW I wear it is what's important. I just FEEL good. I am proud of that most of all, because that shows in everything I do. I have SO MUCH SHIT to still figure out, but I'm so glad I'm tackling this one now so I can put my energy in to those things. Tonight was a little mini-victory for me. I'll talk more about this tomorrow perhaps, but tonight we re-started a monthly "supper club" with our closest group of friends and usually somewhere through the evening I would give myself permission to "let it go" for one night. Well, in the midst of this 30 days, I stuck to it. Not one slip. Again... I feel proud. I am strong in more ways than one. I have will where I didn't think I did. The knowledge of that is pretty fantastic. Wow... I just had a moment there... thanks for stickin' with it. PHEW.
As for today... here's what got in to my BELLY:
Breakfast: Quick walnuts and an orange before the gym.
Snack: Veggie chips from the market (YUMMMMM)
Brunch/Lunch: leftover roasted beets with a fried egg on top.
Snack?: I can't remember! I think I had some nuts probably... I usually do.
Dinner: Taco salad... delicious beef and chicken with avocado cilantro dressing.
Dessert: Microwaved apple and cinnamon with almond butter and chopped walnuts.
When Anna (4 years) was first born, we would go to the market when she was just weeks old and I remember laying a napkin over her head in the baby bjorn so I wouldn't spill salsa on her head while I was eating my breakfast omelet. HA!!! Poor kids... It's just CRAZY to me to think how much things have changed in these four years. I was just so different then. That's not to say I wouldn't still put a napkin over my newborn's head to protect it from salsa... 'cuz I would. But I just think about that time in my life. It was such a mix of things. I had this incredible new person who I loved beyond measure, but I was exhausted, as every new Mom is, and so completely unaware of what was happening to me. It was my own doing, I CHOSE to be unaware and to stay blissfully ignorant to state of... well... me! You know how people say how unhappy they were when they were overweight, or "obese" in my case... but I don't think I was unhappy. I think I was completely unaware. I had myself completely fooled into thinking I was something I wasn't. I had absolutely NO IDEA how far I had let myself go. When I see pictures from then, I am BLOWN AWAY by what I looked like.
Still sometimes I am surprised that was me. I don't know exactly how it works, but somewhere along the way I had stopped seeing myself. It's like I had a pause button somewhere that kept me from seeing the progression from being "slightly" overweight (again, in my head), to grossly overweight, and finally plain old obese (which is SUCH a dirty word in my head). But I did. That progression happened and somewhere along the way my brain perception paused, but my body didn't. I still laughed, had a great time, enjoyed my friends, and truly LOVED my life. I had an amazing family, had extraordinary friends, and I was feeling very "complete." I really don't know what happens in that place where reality meets perception. My self-perception was so completely out of whack that it took me weighing in at nearly 300 pounds to really come around to the fact that I outweighed someone off the starting defensive line for a football team. I outweighed my own Dad, I think. I just don't see how it happened. I mean, physically I know it's 'cuz I fed my face with all kinds of shit... but seriously... how in the world did it happen? I didn't have any kind of crazy trauma or anything, I had a fairly fulfilled life, and yet... something, somewhere clicked all kinds of jacked up that led me to be teetering on some scale of "big" I had never dreamt I would be. I mean, nobody thinks about being overweight, right? I think it became so much of who I am that it failed to be a part anymore. HOWEVER... here's what I do remember, and that I was aware of. I could never shop. I always ended up wearing the same sad few outfits that fit, but were suitable enough that I would feel okay about myself in them. Again... Looking back, I'm shocked by it because even those outfits really didn't do much for me (just another sign of how my perception was so flawed). I wish I could say what "clicked" for me, and when, and how. But I really have no idea. I'm kind of one of those people that just makes a decision at some point, and then I stick with it. I made a decision on July 28th of 2009. I'll seriously never forget it because it was AFTER my hubby's bday and AFTER brew-fest (which is a MUST in this family) and I went in to the gym to weigh in for the first time with a trainer. Joe. Joe used to torture me, but he also made me painfully aware of how my body and my weight were encumbering me and that I had some seriously hard work to do. God, I hated him at so many points in that first month, but I made progress. Pretty soon I made more progress and pretty soon after that I was down nearly 50 pounds. I saw myself for real because I wanted so badly to really see the changes that were happening. Granted, things got a bit stalled out because of the pregnancy #2, but geez... thank goodness whatever clicked, clicked.
Now here we are, three plus years later and I am on my second 30-day challenge, and kicking its ass. I went to the market this morning, on the prowl for yellow beets. Seriously... I think I have a problem. I left there with beets, radishes, an onion, some zucchini, some veggie chip things (that were BOMB-DIGGY), some fresh bacon, and two pounds of grass fed ground beef. I LOVE the farmer's market, and I LOVE that I'm someone that uses it for what it's for... buying food that will nourish a healthy body and serve to be an example of that to my own daughters. Bringing home veggie chips for them to try and to have them like it instead of being a supplier of donuts and cookies to make myself feel better about wanting and buying them. I honestly wish I could tell you how profound it is to have these moments of pause where you see how far you've come. I am so GLAD that I get these moments because aside from my family (my husband, and my two incredible daughters), this is the proudest I have felt of something I have accomplished. I am so excited for MYSELF from the inside-out. I get to do anything and everything that I want to do because I can. I get to SHOP anywhere I want because I can (even though it is a BIT cost-prohibitive). I get to really "walk the walk" that I dreamt of doing for my kids... I get to SHOW them that they can do and be absolutely anything in the world they want because I've done it. I wanted to be someone that was excited and energetic, and I am. I wanted to be someone that would play chase and actually catch my kids. I wanted to be someone that would see strength in their body in ways I didn't even think was possible. I wanted to be someone that was content in putting ANYTHING in her closet on because no matter what I wear, HOW I wear it is what's important. I just FEEL good. I am proud of that most of all, because that shows in everything I do. I have SO MUCH SHIT to still figure out, but I'm so glad I'm tackling this one now so I can put my energy in to those things. Tonight was a little mini-victory for me. I'll talk more about this tomorrow perhaps, but tonight we re-started a monthly "supper club" with our closest group of friends and usually somewhere through the evening I would give myself permission to "let it go" for one night. Well, in the midst of this 30 days, I stuck to it. Not one slip. Again... I feel proud. I am strong in more ways than one. I have will where I didn't think I did. The knowledge of that is pretty fantastic. Wow... I just had a moment there... thanks for stickin' with it. PHEW.As for today... here's what got in to my BELLY:
Breakfast: Quick walnuts and an orange before the gym.
Snack: Veggie chips from the market (YUMMMMM)
Brunch/Lunch: leftover roasted beets with a fried egg on top.
Snack?: I can't remember! I think I had some nuts probably... I usually do.
Dinner: Taco salad... delicious beef and chicken with avocado cilantro dressing.
Dessert: Microwaved apple and cinnamon with almond butter and chopped walnuts.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)