Oops...

So... slips happen.  I made it 24 days with no packaged foods whatsoever.  Seriously... like the only thing that wasn't "fresh" was like some salsa I bought from New Seasons.  I made it nearly four weeks eating no bread, no cheese, no grains of any kind, no sugars, no nothing.  Shit, I even stopped drinking coffee (and had the headache to prove it for three days).  I have been drinking decaffeinated herbals teas and ice water.  I have been eating fresh meats and veggies with fruit and nuts for four weeks.  Tonight... I had ice cream.  Not just a little bit of vanilla or anything, but a motherload of sugar and processed ingredients.  Right now is when I would like to say a bit about guilt.  I have always been an inherently guilty person.  Not that I've always done things wrong, but I am incessantly apologizing for everything, even if I don't know why I'm apologizing.  I have no idea why, it's not like I got a lot of guilt trips as a child or anything... I just always feel responsible for things, and when it's not perfect, or things don't work perfectly, I freak and feel responsible, and then apologize, over and over.  Then I just feel bad about it.  Sheesh.  I don't know... so tonight I had my paleo soup that I prepared this morning... then had a hankering for something more, so I had an apple... and then began the tailspin.  You know, those f'ers who claim that eating paleo just "does away" with their sugar cravings all together are INSANE.  I agree that it makes you taste food differently, and things that weren't particularly sweet before now taste more sweet... but I still want cake, I still want candy, and I definitely still want ice cream.  I even buckled and had some raw honey with a couple scoops of almond butter.  Nope, that wasn't gonna' cut it either.  Then out came this bit of magic from the freezer.  It was like I was possessed.  I could hear myself saying to put the damn container back, but it came out, I opened it, and then proceeded to MOW it.  I know I have "triggers," and I know that's something I consistently need to work on, but I also know there are just some stressful times in life, and finding comfort in food is something that I've done my whole life, and that habit is hard to break.  It tasted delicious, and THAT was what I wanted.  Not nuts or fruit.  I wanted some g.d. ice cream.
So I ate it.  It was sweet, cinnamon-y, goodness.  I loved every minute of it. HOWEVER, that's not to say that there isn't a part of me that wishes I resisted.  I probably should have stopped myself after the honey, but I didn't.  So now begins the process of trying to NOT feel guilty and moving forward and starting tomorrow as a new day.  There are so many things I'm taking from this process, and one of them is that there are so many decisions to make throughout the day, and food is an important one... but it's not the ONLY one.  So many things go on day in and day out, and making smart and healthy choices about food is SUPER important and relevant to me, but I know that I have to be easy on myself and to see how far I've come, and know that the process that led me this far is not going to lead me astray.  Paleo is making more aware of eating fresh and clean, but there is also something really important about moderation and maintenance.  So today, my goal is give myself a break, enjoy the moment, and then start again tomorrow.  Mistakes happen, and it builds character.  Just like I preach to my 3rd graders, "I can't get mad at you for making a mistake, because that's what people do.  But if you don't start learning from your mistakes, then you're not going to become anything more than you are right now, and we all have growing to do... even me."