What a difference a day makes...

Isn't it funny how all the sudden you can go from thinking you're the most kick-ass person in the world, to just being so flustered and discouraged that you just wanna' throw in the towel?  I am letting the scale get to me.  Last week I weighed in at 173.0 and today I was 173.4. Damn.  I know it's a moment in time and it can swing and shift so quickly... but when you've lived and breathed by that freaking scale for so long, it's so infuriating when you're doing everything "right" and it doesn't budge.  You have those creeping thoughts of, "why am I even doing this?"  I completely know it's fine, and I also know that next week things could change again, or it might not.  I also know that muscle weighs more, blah blah blah... but it's just frustrating.  I wanted to badly to see it get under 170.  Oh well... Alright... I will get over myself because I still have yesterday's residual "high" from feeling like I was doing so well.  Plus, I gotta' share the awesome night I had with my friends.  We do a "supper club" the first Sunday of the month with three other couples.  These folks have quickly wormed their way into my hearts and I adore all of them for completely different reasons.  Anyway, knowing I was doing paleo, and wanting to stay on track, but also wanting to be a crowd-pleaser, we chose tacos.  It has seriously been an "indian summer" kind of October because last night it was like 75 degrees and it was sunny and gorgeous.  The hubs set up our big old table (that he built, by the way) outside and we set it all up for us to sit outside and eat.  In my world, there is absolutely NOTHING better than spending a laughter-filled evening with truly fantastically wonderful people.  I feel so blessed to have my kiddos grow up surrounded by all these fantastic adults that truly love them and cherish them for themselves.  Even as I'm writing this, I'm getting over myself and realizing that this process is just so much more than getting on the scale and seeing a lower number.  I successfully made my way through this dinner party staying on track and making good choices.  Not because I HAD to, but because I really wanted to.  I am so committed to this 30 day challenge because I really do think that it's "re-setting" some of my bad habits.  Nights like last night were always when I would "allow" myself or give myself permission to let it all go and have whatever I wanted.  When I make that choice, I don't just let myself have a little of this or that... I completely go off the wagon and then steam-roll my way right over it.  I'm like a rabid dog putting anything and everything I can get my hands on in my face because it's like the last time I will ever eat these things, right?  I'll NEVER let myself do this again.  Jeez... I'm a mess.  But anyway, last night was different.  No chips and salsa for me, no tortillas, no cheese, no sour cream, and no dessert (the one I made for everyone else).  The evening is about the food, and I know that... but most importantly it's about the company and taking it all in.  Instead of thinking about what else I could shove in my face, I was really paying attention to the conversation, and the people around me.  I feel like I genuinely NOTICED more than I have in the past.  I made a point to do things ahead of time so I wasn't really cooking stuff and spending time in the kitchen.  I did a good job planning and had an awesome assistant.  The hubs really was/is a master partner for me.  He just pulled right in behind me cleaning up the thing I was using and got the house picked up while I was working on food.  Anyway, in the midst of a time in everyone's life that is just generally hectic and just not so easy for some... taking some time to just "be" and genuinely enjoy other's company is magical.  Feeling and hearing the laughter that comes from the table when we're together is the best medicine someone could ask for.  When I'm sitting there, I truly think that I am surrounded by some of the most witty, caring, and fantastic people in the world, and they're sitting at the table with me.  Thank goodness that the choices I've made in this life have led me here... scale challenges and all. In the grand scheme of life and all the things that come and go, this is why I wanted to be a grown up...

Here is what we served at the dinner:
-Beer and Sangria
-Chips with bean dip and salsa
-Hard and soft tortillas with shredded chicken and ground beef
-Taco fixins (cheese, tomatoes, cilantro, lettuce, etc.)
-Black bean and corn salad with green chiles
-Pinto beans
-Sour cream, salsa, and avocado
-Apple enchiladas with warm caramel apple topping and vanilla ice cream

Here is how I made it paleo:
-NO CHIPS (this is a huge victory if you hadn't noticed... I've mentioned it a couple times... those suckers are like CRACK to me)
-Big ol' bed of lettuce with shredded chicken and ground beef with tomatoes, avocado dressing (the kind I made before), and salsa.
-For dessert I took some of the warm apples and put cinnamon and almonds on top and then some almond butter and re-warmed it so the almond butter got like a "gravy" for the apples.  Not too shabby, really.

As for today... we had a SHITLOAD of taco leftovers and since I actually really love tacos, I was good with it...so this is what I put in my belly:
Breakfast:  leftover beets with two fried eggs and two pieces of bacon from the market
Lunch:  Same taco salad.
Dinner:  Same taco salad.
Dessert:  Mango with almonds 

To market, to market...

I am officially in love with my farmer's market.  It's small enough to be "cute," but big enough to be completely awesome and you can find just about anything under the sun.  The veggies, the fruit, the meat, the cheese!... there's everything.  The hubs and I actually started going to this neighborhood/city market before we actually moved to our house that is now in this area.  We LOVED the market so much, it probably had something to do with me wanting to move with this area somewhere in my subconscious. 

 Um, and yes... there was in fact an actual BANJO BAND playing this morning.  You can't see it, but there are seriously tubas back there.  Pretty freaking awesome.

When Anna (4 years) was first born, we would go to the market when she was just weeks old and I remember laying a napkin over her head in the baby bjorn so I wouldn't spill salsa on her head while I was eating my breakfast omelet.  HA!!!  Poor kids... It's just CRAZY to me to think how much things have changed in these four years.  I was just so different then.  That's not to say I wouldn't still put a napkin over my newborn's head to protect it from salsa... 'cuz I would.  But I just think about that time in my life.  It was such a mix of things.  I had this incredible new person who I loved beyond measure, but I was exhausted, as every new Mom is, and so completely unaware of what was happening to me.  It was my own doing, I CHOSE to be unaware and to stay blissfully ignorant to state of... well... me!  You know how people say how unhappy they were when they were overweight, or "obese" in my case... but I don't think I was unhappy.  I think I was completely unaware.  I had myself completely fooled into thinking I was something I wasn't.  I had absolutely NO IDEA how far I had let myself go.  When I see pictures from then, I am BLOWN AWAY by what I looked like. 

 Still sometimes I am surprised that was me.  I don't know exactly how it works, but somewhere along the way I had stopped seeing myself.  It's like I had a pause button somewhere that kept me from seeing the progression from being "slightly" overweight (again, in my head), to grossly overweight, and finally plain old obese (which is SUCH a dirty word in my head).  But I did.  That progression happened and somewhere along the way my brain perception paused, but my body didn't.  I still laughed, had a great time, enjoyed my friends, and truly LOVED my life.  I had an amazing family, had extraordinary friends, and I was feeling very "complete."  I really don't know what happens in that place where reality meets perception.  My self-perception was so completely out of whack that it took me weighing in at nearly 300 pounds to really come around to the fact that I outweighed someone off the starting defensive line for a football team.  I outweighed my own Dad, I think.  I just don't see how it happened.  I mean, physically I know it's 'cuz I fed my face with all kinds of shit... but seriously... how in the world did it happen?  I didn't have any kind of crazy trauma or anything, I had a fairly fulfilled life, and yet... something, somewhere clicked all kinds of jacked up that led me to be teetering on some scale of "big" I had never dreamt I would be.  I mean, nobody thinks about being overweight, right?  I think it became so much of who I am that it failed to be a part anymore.  HOWEVER... here's what I do remember, and that I was aware of.  I could never shop.  I always ended up wearing the same sad few outfits that fit, but were suitable enough that I would feel okay about myself in them.  Again... Looking back, I'm shocked by it because even those outfits really didn't do much for me (just another sign of how my perception was so flawed).  I wish I could say what "clicked" for me, and when, and how.  But I really have no idea.  I'm kind of one of those people that just makes a decision at some point, and then I stick with it.  I made a decision on July 28th of 2009.  I'll seriously never forget it because it was AFTER my hubby's bday and AFTER brew-fest (which is a MUST in this family) and I went in to the gym to weigh in for the first time with a trainer.  Joe.  Joe used to torture me, but he also made me painfully aware of how my body and my weight were encumbering me and that I had some seriously hard work to do.  God, I hated him at so many points in that first month, but I made progress.  Pretty soon I made more progress and pretty soon after that I was down nearly 50 pounds.  I saw myself for real because I wanted so badly to really see the changes that were happening.  Granted, things got a bit stalled out because of the pregnancy #2, but geez... thank goodness whatever clicked, clicked.

Now here we are, three plus years later and I am on my second 30-day challenge, and kicking its ass.  I went to the market this morning, on the prowl for yellow beets.  Seriously... I think I have a problem.  I left there with beets, radishes, an onion, some zucchini, some veggie chip things (that were BOMB-DIGGY), some fresh bacon, and two pounds of grass fed ground beef.  I LOVE the farmer's market, and I LOVE that I'm someone that uses it for what it's for... buying food that will nourish a healthy body and serve to be an example of that to my own daughters.  Bringing home veggie chips for them to try and to have them like it instead of being a supplier of donuts and cookies to make myself feel better about wanting and buying them.  I honestly wish I could tell you how profound it is to have these moments of pause where you see how far you've come.  I am so GLAD that I get these moments because aside from my family (my husband, and my two incredible daughters), this is the proudest I have felt of something I have accomplished.  I am so excited for MYSELF from the inside-out.  I get to do anything and everything that I want to do because I can.  I get to SHOP anywhere I want because I can (even though it is a BIT cost-prohibitive).  I get to really "walk the walk" that I dreamt of doing for my kids... I get to SHOW them that they can do and be absolutely anything in the world they want because I've done it.  I wanted to be someone that was excited and energetic, and I am.  I wanted to be someone that would play chase and actually catch my kids.  I wanted to be someone that would see strength in their body in ways I didn't even think was possible.  I wanted to be someone that was content in putting ANYTHING in her closet on because no matter what I wear, HOW I wear it is what's important.  I just FEEL good.  I am proud of that most of all, because that shows in everything I do.  I have SO MUCH SHIT to still figure out, but I'm so glad I'm tackling this one now so I can put my energy in to those things.  Tonight was a little mini-victory for me.  I'll talk more about this tomorrow perhaps, but tonight we re-started a monthly "supper club" with our closest group of friends and usually somewhere through the evening I would give myself permission to "let it go" for one night.  Well, in the midst of this 30 days, I stuck to it.  Not one slip.  Again... I feel proud.  I am strong in more ways than one.  I have will where I didn't think I did.  The knowledge of that is pretty fantastic.  Wow... I just had a moment there... thanks for stickin' with it.  PHEW.

As for today... here's what got in to my BELLY:
Breakfast:  Quick walnuts and an orange before the gym.
Snack:  Veggie chips from the market (YUMMMMM)
Brunch/Lunch:  leftover roasted beets with a fried egg on top.
Snack?:  I can't remember!  I think I had some nuts probably... I usually do.
Dinner:  Taco salad... delicious beef and chicken with avocado cilantro dressing.
Dessert: Microwaved apple and cinnamon with almond butter and chopped walnuts.

Another week down...

This week has been pretty great.  I am still finding it fairly easy to stick to the eating plan.  I'm hoping I'm not one of those annoying, "No thanks, I don't eat that," people.  I've noticed people taking note and asking a lot of questions at lunch time.  I try not to bring it up much because this is a choice I've made, nobody else.  I don't need to harass anybody with it.  Plus, that's why I started this!  I've just noticed that people have been noticing my food choices and even to the point where one of my co-workers proudly showed me that he was "also eating healthy today."  HA!  I just think it's funny, ya' know?  People have such a diverse and broad idea of what "healthy" really is.  Whether it's about our bodies, our weight, our hair, or even the grass in the back yard... people all think there is a general overall "healthy" meter.  However, who the hell knows what that is?  I mean, seriously this gal at school said that she was happy because she had lost 30-ish pounds (I think) eating nothing but oatmeal for two of her three meals a day.  Then I had to stop and think... man... what a strange thing... that eating oats 14 times a week resulted in not only weight loss, but a general thinking that eating that and only that up until dinner would nourish your body.  She's no dummy, though... I mean she lost the weight and she's keeping it off, so what gives?  I guess I just think about it a lot lately and take notice more than I did before.  I'm definitely NOT judging people's choices, because lord knows I am no food critic, nutritional analyst or anything of the sort.... I just think it's really interesting.  Some people I look at and I'm DUMBFOUNDED how they can appear so healthy and all I ever see them eat are chicken strips with ranch or pasta alfredo.  Like I said, not judging... just in awe.  I just have to think that it must differ that widely from person to person, and if this isn't the thing that keeps me "healthy" then I hope I can find it sooner than later.  For right now, though, THIS feels pretty good.  I feel nourished and not that I want to "bulk up" by any means, but the definition in my arms and shoulders right now is pretty awesome.  I am trying to let go of the fascination with the scale, which is HARD for me because that's all I've ever had to go off of for my progress.  But since I'm so close to where I want to be, I realize that it's possible that things might be shifting within my body and not on the scale.  My first week was so spectacular that I think it got me all fired up about the weight-loss aspect that I started to think that's what this was all about.  What it really is, for me, is about making more conscious decisions about what I'm going to feed my body with. I also see that my girls are growing up in a house where fresh veggies and fruit are the norm.

I want to know that the foods I'm choosing are DOING something to help me function properly.  I know that carrots will help my eyes, proteins will help me build and maintain muscles, and that oranges will help keep me from getting sick.  (On a side note, everyone else in my house has gone through an entire cycle of beginning of the season colds, and I haven't been touched.  Coincidence?) 

Things are not only nourishing me, but they are also freaking delicious.  I realize now that I may have been downplaying how freaking awesome and delicious my breakfast experience is at my house.  My hubs prepares my breakfast for me (all except the almond butter "oatmeal" stuff I like, pictures to follow) and has it set out for when I come down from my showering.  It seriously is somethin' special.  I don't know how people can say they're just "not breakfast people."  Breakfast is an absolute MUST for me or I'll never make it to lunch.  Plus, I just like to start my day like that.  When I come down I make up my breakfast mush (which is WAY better with fresh blueberries than dried apricots, but I wanted you to get the picture here), then I sit down to an extraordinary meal.

Tonight for dinner we used up all the fresh produce from the market last weekend and it was DUH-LISH.  I know this is redundant after yesterday, but I LOVE beets.  They were seriously spectacular.

I hope the weekend is good to you all.  I have girls' day again tomorrow and then maybe another trip to the market.  Finally, we finish the weekend in one of my most favorite ways... we're hosting my local "family" of friends for dinner.  I'm such an incredibly lucky lady.

What went in my belly today?
Breakfast: duh.
Lunch: Leftover shrimp with beets & zucchini.
Snack: FREAKISHLY sweet and delicious pear from the market I stopped at on my way home.  I could hardly wait to get home to chomp it.
Dinner:  Grilled chicken leg quarter, beets, beets, and more beets with zucchini.  Oh, and some sauteed kale.

"Will Work for Beets"

Update:  Lucy went to time-out ONE GLORIOUS TIME during our second consecutive girls' night.  Then she took her requisite bite of vegetable before getting her yogurt.  She did it, and it was magical.  Things are really starting to improve DRAMATICALLY.  Since it was "girls night" again, I was tempted to let them just eat wherever, but even though I was pooped, I had to continue my efforts.  Two g.d. hours at the table a couple nights ago were not for naught.  I get really friggin' tired of always having to take the high road.  Granted, sometimes I fail miserably at that task (Like one time in the car when Lucy wouldn't just shut the hell up with the crying and I started making crying sounds back at her, and not just a little, but I was mocking her, and copy-catting her... believe it or not it DID, in fact, make me feel better.  It really pissed her off, which I think is what I was going for.  In those moments I'm never very sure.  God, I'm such an AWESOME Mother.)  That was a really long update.

I just got done telling the hubs that I feel EXHAUSTED today.  I really worked the hell out of my job today.  Everybody has those days where they really DO THEIR JOB.  Like, no surfing the web, writing extra emails, or wasting time.  I feel like I used EVERY SECOND today making sure my kiddos were learning what they were supposed to learn and get what they were supposed to get.  We have a big test tomorrow.  HA!  Through it all, though, I had to think about how I FEEL.  Like, really actually giving some thought to what life used to be like BEFORE this 30 day paleo challenge for myself.  I always used to fizzle.  I would have a decent amount of energy in the beginning of the day, but then after lunch no matter what I ate I would have no energy whatsoever.  In turn, I lost a lot of motivation to really DO my job.  I mean, I would do my job and I would teach, but I wouldn't kick it's ass the way I have been the last few days.  I'm more alert, more excited to see them learn, and more motivated to really kick some third grade petuties.  Now I have NO IDEA if what I'm doing is just conjuring these feelings up from THINKING it's helping, or if this diet really is having a profound effect on all the things it boasts, but it's pretty great.  The other thing I was thinking about is how very different I am now.  I wouldn't get on the floor with the kids very much because it was just plain hard.  Now I'm all over the place.  In fact, we have instituted "Fitness Fridays" with my kids where we devote about an hour and a half on Fridays to doing some kind of physical fitness and some nutrition education.  My choices have changed my life, and it's really extraordinary.  Even other than the more recent "paleo" choice I've made, making choices based on what is going to benefit my health overall has made me a totally different person.  I am more invested in every single thing that I do.  Sometimes I worry that this process is so very selfish.  I worry that I'm so focused on myself that I forget to give enough time and energy to the people around me.  Then I realize that by taking care of myself I'm giving so much more of myself more freely.  I DO more when I'm present, I'm available.  I feel good so I participate more.

Even my sister-in-law commented once that I've transformed.  Like when she used to walk in the room I would just be sitting on the couch with a pillow on my lap and hardly get up (the pillow was to undoubtedly hide my gut).  Now, she said, she sees me playing with the kiddos more, smiling more, and involving myself more.  So I guess if it's all in my head, I don't care!  Just the idea that I'm making choices that even FEEL like they're good for me is enough.  I like who I am becoming and it feels good to be proud of myself.  I have felt successful and that's a good thing for anybody.  That's like rule #1 in elementary education... set them up for success.  I need to set myself up for success.  God, if I would listen to half the crap I spout to my kids and students, I would be pretty much the greatest person in the world.  ha!

Since it was girls night again, I made something I really only make when the hubs is gone.  I L.O.V.E. shrimp.  He doesn't hate it, but doesn't love it... so to be honest, I don't waste it on him.  (Wow, I really am a horrible person...)  Anyway, we had some yellow beets left that hadn't been used, so I chopped up one of those, a couple zucchini, and a crap-load of garlic.  I sauteed them up and then added the shrimps and some red pepper flake, some spinach and then some lemon.  HOLY BALLS.  It isn't the prettiest picture in the world, but I have never had yellow beets before and I think it's officially my new favorite thing in the world.  If I go back to the Farmers Market on Sunday (which I totally am, whether I can afford it or not... I will literally sell myself on the street corners if I have to... or hold a sign that says "Will work for beets.  God Bless.") I'm buying myself some more freaking BEETS!  

What went in my belly?
Breakfast:  Breakfast casserole and avocado with tomato.  No fruits this morning...
Lunch:  Green salad with steak, tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, avocado, sunflower seeds, and balsamic.  Also, a clementine.  Yummy.
Dinner:  Yellow beet magic stated above.
After-dinner treat:  Dried apricots with walnuts.  I make these little apricot sandwiches.  Picture this:  walnut, dried apricot, walnut.  Boom... walnut sammy.  (Anna calls them big orange raisins.)

Keep on keepin'...

Well, first off... an update.  Lucy only had to go to time out 4 times during dinner tonight and ate a fair amount of her dinner.  I will break that child, if it kills me.

I had an incredibly spectacular start to my day.  I wish I could explain it... do you ever just have one of those mornings that makes you... I dunno... just happy?  Like you feel like things might all work out, all the crap might actually get taken care of, and you MIGHT actually accomplish what you want to accomplish that day?  One reason I'm sure for the insane amount of "glass half full" attitude is because I woke up early to work out.  I LOVE to work out in the morning.  In the summer it's a piece of cake because scheduling doesn't require any kind of crazy accommodating.  However, once the school year starts, working out gets so much more difficult to "fit in."  Between "Mom guilt" and "wife guilt" and "teacher guilt," it's hard to get there.  I feel bad 'cuz I'm not spending that time with my girls, I feel bad because I should be hanging out or somehow contributing more with the house, with the hubs, whatever...and I feel like I should be spending more time in my classroom getting things to be perfect and prepping everything so it's ready weeks in advance and so my teaching team can rest easy that I'm pulling my weight.  Seriously... how do I survive with all the guilt?  I know, I know... my issues aren't terrible.  I'm SO LUCKY that I have such awesome kids that I want to be around that much, a husband I would actually like to spend time with, and a job that is so rewarding that I would want to invest so much time into.  I have so many amazing things going for me, but sometimes just trying to keep all the balls in the air is a challenge.  But today, I woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 4:15 A.M. to get changed and head to my favorite little neighborhood 24 hour card-key gym.  I seriously love this gym.  It's the same little guy I've been going to since I began this journey over 3 years ago.  The owners are COMPLETELY fantastic (and ironically the husband of the husband-wife duo is from Kansas, which is where I'm from by the way... crazy, right?).  I went and I was the only soul in there.  From 4:30-5:30 this morning I owned that gym and I rocked out and worked "off my petutie."  (In the words of my student.)
I listened to awesome music and genuinely ENJOYED working out this morning.  It felt great to be up and at 'em and get my sweat on.  My sister introduced me to this app on my phone called "Nike Training Club" and seriously, it's RAD.  It tells me what to do, for how long, and allows me to listen to my playlist while the lady is telling me what to do.  I did a 15-minute focus workout on my back, then a 30 minute circuit workout aptly titled "slim chance."  It's like a built-in electronic trainer in my ear.  It's AWESOME!  Anyway, then I got myself home and showered, changed, ate breakfast, had some tea, and took my wee-one to daycare as my eldest stayed home to be carted to preschool by her pops.  I started off to work, still listening to my same playlist which keeps me movin' and shakin' in the car (I must cause some serious pause in the onlookers from other cars... I really get in to my car jams.).  Then, one of my favorite parts of this time of year and one of the few things about my drive to work that I love... the view.  When I cross one particular section, I'm looking at river, at mountains, and at sunrise.  I sacrificed life and limb to get this one... enjoy it people.

School was great, had some meetings, everything was pretty normal there.  At lunch today people were very inquisitive as to the "diet" that I was trying.  Seemed that for whatever reason it came up today in a different way than it does with my more "inner circle" of friends at work.  There were a few more people at lunch that we don't normally overlap with much and they were asking a lot of questions.  I can honestly say I had all the answers!  I knew why, I knew what, and I knew how!  So far, I have felt so good about this little endeavor that I really do think it's something I could maintain more long-term.  Granted, including some libations from time-to-time is going to be a necessity, but it's COMPLETELY manageable and I'm really finding a lot of things I'm growing to love (like the breakfast deliciousness).   Today was kind of make-shift in terms of food because it was leftover day, but it was still very satisfying and I didn't ever feel like I was being deprived of anything.

I managed to upkeep the good attitude throughout the rest of the day and was looking forward to my quiet night at home alone with the girls.  I got a drop-kick in the arse with the inevitable stack of bills that was waiting for me at home.  I had to work on trying to figure out how to schedule paying them all and keeping them all on time and not running out of dough, but the idea of the girls night I had ahead of me helped.  "Girls Night" is treasured time for me.  They're just so laid back and mellow for whatever reason (minus the 4 trips to time out this evening), and we listen to music and eat dinner together.  Anna told me about preschool and that she didn't do e.p. (confusing P.E.) but did music time today and she had to act like a leaf.  She also told me about her first day of her 4th rotation of ballet, and how she helped her teacher and "did a WARY, WARY, WARY good job."  (She says "wary" instead of "very"... I really don't want that to ever correct itself.)  My schedule for school doesn't allow me to participate in their daily day-time needs, take them to preschool, pick them up from preschool, have lunch with them, or take them to ballet, so the fact that I get a little time "just us" here at home every now and then is really special to me.


I hope that very soon I have another day that I feel as empowered as I did this morning.  I know it's all a choice, and as my sis mentioned today in her blog, "You get what you put in."  I know this is just a choice I've been making for a couple weeks (not even) now, but I feel like making a choice like this and really sticking with it has given me a sense of accomplishment that for whatever reason I had lost somewhere along the way.  I'm working hard, I'm focused, and I'm feeling successful... that's bound to do somethin' for the spirit.

What exactly went in my belly today?
Breakfast: shockingly, breakfast casserole with avocado and tomato, banana almond butter walnut blueberry concoction and warm tea.  DUH-LISH.  (oh, and before I went to the gym I had a little Italian plum)
Lunch:  Leftover steak with mushrooms and roasted cauliflower with a green salad and a mandarin orange.
Snack: Walnuts and another mandarin orange!
Dinner:  Leftover steak, brussel sprouts, and cauliflower.
Dessert!:  Banana with almond butter smeared on it (I needed a little somethin' this evening).

Good. Night. Nurse.

I got nothin'... seriously.  I woke up this morning SO EXCITED to tell you about my delicious breakfast treat concoction and then school wasn't so hot, then I had a totally weird meeting after school, then I came home and sweet, delightful, 2-year-old Lucy and I sat for TWO HOURS at the dinner table because she was being a total shit.  That's right, I just called my daughter whom I birthed and adore, a shit.  Because she is.  She is so freaking savvy and manipulative.  Anybody who doesn't have a child like this... bless you and may your blessings flow.  I, however, am graced with one child (Anna) who is terribly wonderful and is so feeling and sweet.  She is a mini-mama and wears her feelings on her sleeve and FOR THE MOST PART is fairly easy to manipulate and is a totally sweet little girl.  ON THE OTHER HAND... There is Lucy. 

 

Lucy came out completely different right from the start.  I have said multiple times that I kinda' don't like her like 80% of the time.  Then she is the COOLEST child in the world 20% of the time that completely trumps the totally shitty 80%.  She is honest to goodness the most flabbergasting and fantastic child I have ever known.  Whoever says they love their children exactly the same are so full of absolute horse-hockey.  I ADORE both my children, but I love Lucy in a completely different, no more no less, way than Anna.  Likewise, I love Anna in a TOTALLY different way than Lucy.  Lucy put me through the ringer tonight.  I am SUCH a stubborn Mom.  I told her she had to have three more bites, so I'll be DAMMED that child is going to have three bites.  We must have gone back and forth to timeout 129 times.  It was a total walk of shame... back and forth, back and forth, back and forth... but guess what?  That freaking child took her third bite and...  I WIIIIINNNNN!!!!  But in addition to being victorious, I am EXHAUSTED.  Anybody who has endured something like the events of this evening knows that the majority of the time you feel like a complete a-hole because you're hoping that what you're doing is the "right" thing and that hopefully in the end you'll reap the rewards of your child  not being such a turd.  So I am totally tired and completely exhausted from the treacherous conditions of this family's house tonight.

OH!  I almost forgot!  My breakfast concoction!  Okay, I'm gettin' my wits about me and my fervor for this breakfast ditty is coming back.  So I had my slice of breakfast casserole sans tomato or avocado.  However, I wasn't satisfied yet, so I put half a super ripe banana and a scoop of almond butter in the microwave for like 20 seconds until it was softened and warm.  I squished it all together and stirred it up with some walnut pieces and then added some fresh blueberries.  It was kind of like oatmeal/pb&j/heaven in a plastic pink ikea child's bowl.  It was really that good.  I will hopefully be more chipper and delightful tomorrow evening, but that is completely up to Lucy.  (Turd)

What went in my belly today?
Breakfast:  Breakfast casserole with oatmeal/pb&j/heaven.
Snack: mandarin orange.
Lunch: Leftover fajita salad with AWESOME avocado dressing.
Dinner:  Steak with roasted cauliflower and brussel sprouts and sauteed mushrooms.

Mondays...

I would love to think that I am one of those people that bounds out of bed saying, "COME ON WEEK, I CAN TAKE YA'..."  But what I always think in my head is so incredibly juvenile and immature... "Dammit, I gotta' be a grown up AGAIN???"  But I got up, got dressed, got myself presentable and DEVOURED my breakfast casserole "con" avocado and tomato.  CHOMP.  That gets me pretty fired up... as does the freshly prepared lemon water that my hubs gets ready for me every morning now.  Since starting this process I've given up all beverages except for decaf teas and water.  So I'm really into the lemons right now because... well... it makes it a little less like water.  Truth be told, I really love the lemon water.  Can't complain.  So Monday was true to it's name in that my kids at school seemed to be reeling a bit from the full moon, seeing me in the "dunk tank" that wasn't a dunk tank at all, and undoubtedly the mayhem that happened at their houses over the weekend.  Throw a birthday celebration with goopy frosting and "angry birds" rings on top and you've got yourself a real hullabaloo.  Sweet Jeebus... On top of that, the hubs and I were trying to refi our house and something about that fell through because of all the turd sacks that have foreclosed in our area driving our appraisal down.  HOWEVER... Things started to really look up once I got home and had a revelation for dinner.  One thing I'm truly missing is the dairy... the goopy cheesy goodness.  I miss the Bolthouse Yogurt Light Blue Cheese Dressing (which is seriously f'ing delicious for only 35 calories per serving... yeah, after 3 years of trying to lose weight, I'm a walking damn calorie count dictionary) to put on my salads.  I love my balsamic vinaigrette, don't get me wrong, I've gotten pretty stinkin' good at it... but you know how it is to have that creamy sleazy goodness (gotta' insert a "that's what she said" comment here...) on your salad.  I've actually grown to ADORE salads because you can seriously do just about anything in a salad form.  I've recreated a multitude of high grain meals in salad form.  Ohhh... perhaps a week of comfort foods reinvented into salads is to come.  OH MY GOD... that's such a good idea.  I'm liking this theme week stuff.  I'm good with themes.  Give me some parameters and then prest-o, change-o... here I go.

OH!!!  I almost forgot!  I did my 1-week weigh-in... after ONE WEEK of eating pretty darn strict paleo with no "real" cheats (except for an excess of fruit in the strictest of terms), I managed to go from 178.6 on Monday, September 24th to 173.0 today.  5.6 pounds in one week... and I have eaten a LOT of fruit, nuts, and meat.  Granted, there have been a lot of vegetables in there too... but HOLY BALLS!!!  5 pounds in one week.  I know it's the first week so I'm sure that helps, we'll see what next week has to bring.  Pretty awesome... I'll take it.  In the words of one of my students today (who I am seriously starting to be a bit infatuated with), "I really worked off my petutie today."  He rearranged a phrase I use pretty frequently and I really like his version a lot... especially with his sweet big blue eyes.  This kid is totally weird and totally FREAKING AWESOME.  He and his Mom made SCOOBY SNACKS for the class for god's sake.  Seriously?  Gahhh... my job has some perks for sure.  Love!  After school, I worked out and I worked it pretty hard feeling pretty hot shit after my "weigh in."  When I pick the girls up from daycare Lucy always touches me with a disgusted face and says, "Mama's wehhhhhht."  Yeah, I sweat like a man.

Let's see... on to dinner (because that's what I kind of live for).  I hate to toot my own horn here, but I have had a serious love affair with avocado lately and in keeping with the fact that I've been missing the salad "sleaze," I decided to use an avocado to make a creamy delicious dressing for my fajita salad tonight.  WHOA... seriously wow.  So here's how this brain fart took shape... I had half of my avocado from breakfast this morning.  Threw it in a little food processor with lemon (I wanted lime, but realized I didn't have one.  I had lotsa' lemons from my lemon water fetish), salt, pepper, and some white wine vinegar.  I also added some cilantro and a close of garlic.  I whirred that up a bit and added some olive oil.  It was SUPER thick (and fan-freaking-tastic on it's own), but I had some chicken broth left that I hadn't used from dinner and thinned it out with that.  It was REALLY good.  I mean, seriously good... and it was creamy and delicious.  It was PERFECT on top of the browned organic ground beef and sauteed peppers and onions seasoned with cumin and coriander with a little jalapeno from our garden.  I put it all on top of a bed of romaine, topped with some of our garden tomatoes, and then came the green wonder of my avocado-garlic-cilantro-lime-sleazy-sauce.  Awesome.

After dinner, there is NO better way than finishing my day with my girls... we played chase, did the swing, and even played some kick ball game.  I love watching Anna get her "fast feet" ready before we play chase.  It's a charming mix between a seizure and the way a bull looks as it's prepping to charge wiping it's feet in the dirt.  She is seriously somethin' else.  They both are.  A beautiful fall night, two awesome girls, and enough squealing to keep power to a small country... not a bad ending to a very wacky Monday.  Talk about a rollercoaster... shhheeeeit.  ha!

Sooooo... What went in my belly today?
Breakfast:  Said breakfast casserole with tomatoes and avocado... annnnnndddd... LEMON WATER.
No snack today... ugh.
Lunch:  Mixed green salad with half a leftover hamburger patty and chicken chopped on top.  I have been really digging the sunflower seeds... so I put those on top with the balsamic vinaigrette.
Dinner:  MAGICAL fajita salad with... wait for it... avocado-garlic-cilantro-lime-sleazy-sauce.  Had to use it one more time.